Ramblings of a Restless Mind

08 RR - Brett Williams
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[00:00:00]

We're back with another episode of a Ramblings of a Restless Mind. I am Jen. Hopefully you're not tired of hearing that by yet, by now, but hey, we're, we're, this is what gonna be episode eight, I think. Sure. Joe . . Sounds good. , who's counting? So we're, we're still new. We're getting out there. We're getting a lot of positive feedback.

So thank you guys that have been tuning in and joining us and keep it [00:01:00] coming. And as always, I am joined by my partner in life. My life Wife, , Deia, Ola. It, it, we episode, I, I looked it up. . Fact check. Fact check, check, check. Roger. Thanks, Joe. Yeah. So we're, I don't know, we're just having a blast. We, we get together as friends and we just talk about all the things.

Yep. And we, last episode, we teased that our next episode you should stay tuned for, because we talked about a pseudo penis on a female hyena. Spotted, spotted Deja is a very, she used to teach science in high school. That's Nine through 12. It's all okay. It all those one wonderful formative years.

Yes. Yes. And so she definitely was able to to add to the conversation and, and educate us there. But we thought we would take a step further and speak with someone who really knows what they're talking about and has a master's degree in zoology, ladies and gentlemen, and those that identify as anything else.

Please welcome Brett Williams, a ramblings. Have a restless mind. [00:02:00] Woo. Hello. I really thought you were gonna throw in the clapping over there, Joe. Oh, I could, oh, is it too late? I mean, yeah, kind of. You want me to run it back?

I just hit all the buttons. Just seems forced now. Yeah. Well that was very natural,

There we go. We'll be our own best cheerleaders here. No doubt. No doubt. Well, Brett, thank you so, so much for joining us today. Being such a trooper because as we were chatting before we started recording, the three of us have never met. In real life. It's true. It's true. Well, I mean, we, we've, we've met now, right?

Yes, yes. Yeah. Fair enough. Fair enough. But no, yeah, no. Yeah. So, I was real cool and slid in some dms and that's how we got Brett to be on the show. That's true. We, deja and I attended a Gallant Times's Day comedy show. Epic. A few weeks ago with, ugh, time warp again. I forget that we record 'em then.

Yeah. It later. I, I know. I'm surprised [00:03:00] too. What is time? And we happened to stumble upon this lovely human who hopped on stage with her ukulele . Yes. And Deja and I were belly laughing. Yes. Listening to her segment. Cry, laughing and face hurt. It was epic. Immediately. And we have, we have these little stickers that have a UR code for a UR code.

Jesus. A QR code. QRS. Yes. And we call ourselves Sticky fairies. Sticker fairies. And we will go around and like sprinkle those stickers everywhere. Yes. 'cause it goes to the podcast. Oh. And so we were doing that at Good Nights when you were there. And so immediately we were like her. We want her on the podcast.

The funny thing is I was literally the first person on the show, , so you were just like, well, we found, why not? Don't even we'll take that. Don't even watch the rest of the shows. That was a great intro. And so she actually responded to my message and I felt really cool that she did. So thanks Brett. No, thank you.

I felt really cool for [00:04:00] getting asked . So as I mentioned before, anytime we have a guest, we send a fun little form for them to fill out ahead of time. So I like to read what you put as your introduction and then let you expand on it. Okay. So Brett, here is a zookeeper and zoo educator by day and a ukulele comedian and thespian by art.

She's also a Dungeons and Dragons dm. So that's a dungeon master, is that correct? . Okay. Woo. Nailed it. I also am, she has a 16, 16, I don't know, 16-year-old chihuahua that you found on Craigslist. Dang. There's a lot to unpack there. Yeah. , she, is it a she? Yeah. Yeah. She first of all, the fact the dog is 16 and still kicking and a tiny one that's still kicking.

Mm-hmm . Yeah. The tiny ones live longer. So does she'll have all of her teeth? I don't know. , she, she won't let me look at, when was the last time you were rum around in there, Brett? It's true. She like, won't let you touch her teeth. She hates it. Fair. I actually don't know. I mean, I know they're, what, what teeth she has or disgusting.

[00:05:00] Like, 'cause you know, when when she does open her mouth I can like look in there and they don't Yeah, they don't look great. Whoa. She can still chew. That's always matters. I mean, that's how she got this far. So, yeah. Fair enough. I have a 15-year-old and I know that her teeth aren't great because her breath, so Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's that, there's that old lady breath, but so there's a lot there. You're a zoo zookeeper, zoo educator, comedian with a ukulele, which wind up, by the way, I, you don't even know how, like my soul lit up and I was like, wait, you're a dungeon master. Yeah. I've been trying to get into a group for a long time.

Really? What? Yeah. Yeah. Well, love you. I could try . No, I'm just, we just wanna do it right now. Lemme take you down the darkened trail of the Ferry . Oh. Oh. No, it's not anything like that. My mine are like, not like the, my style of DMing is, I don't know if y'all watch dropout or any, yes. Okay. So I'm like a Brennan Lee Mulligan [00:06:00] situation where like, if you roll good enough, it happens.

Like I don't, I like that you don't get so string stringent. Like, I don't actually know any of the rules. , I just like a self-proclaimed dm. Yeah, I know. No, but I do dm like, and I, I know some of the rules, but like I act, you can't know all the rules. Like there's so many rules that even the d like professional dms have books of all the rules.

So I just make it up like there is, there is a lot. Like, so I, I, I got in this journey, I was like, you know, this would be really good for me. And I tried to like find people to like join a group and I was like, you know what? I need an education. So I started to go and I like audited groups. I audit, wait, wait, what?

I went and sat and watched people play. But you didn't, you didn't like judge them, right? No, I just audited how like they held to like the rigid standards of the rules or how their style of like DMing and how they would roll with stuff. And like, you did so much more work than I did. Because there's a whole, like, there's a, a, it's in Karen.

Kerry, [00:07:00] there's like a bar where they play Yeah. Games. Yeah, there's, and they have like groups where like every Thursday they're dun cavern or something like Yeah, they're playing dungeon. Yeah. There's, there's a couple of places around and now like more and more bars are doing them too. Yeah. But they were gracious to let me sit in like a goblin in a corner and like watch them.

I think. So was it like a, like a continuing campaign that they were, were doing, yes. Oh, okay. Okay. Yes, because they do like, there's like some places that just do like one shot. Oh no. It was like, they were, they're in it, their group, they meet every Thursday, like they had long, long campaigns and so it was super cool.

'cause I, I'm a fantasy nerd, so like Yeah. Yeah. You know that there's like some stringent like DM out there right now that's just like, oh yeah. Oh yeah. Dity. No, there's straight up there are, like, I, I didn't get into it. Like, I'm not so far into it that I am on like any discords or anything like that, but like, apparently there's like this huge division of like.

People who stick really stringently to the rules. And that's why there's been five editions of [00:08:00] Dungeons and Dragons. Mm-hmm . Is that people keep like, branching off and doing. Mm-hmm. And then there's like pathfinder and like all sorts of other stuff now. But I, again, I don't really know that much. I Oh, man.

Because there's, there's a lot. Like, you just get into like, the sheets for character building. Yeah. It's a lot like, holy Hannah. Yeah. Yeah. So I actually DM for my coworkers. Oh, cool. And it's a, it's a zoo. It's a Dungeons and Dragon Zoo. Amazing. Because we're all zoo nerd. So it's all about like the Dungeons and Dragons animals and like, making them a, well, now it's gotten a little off track because that's what happens in Dungeons.

But No, I like, I like the Brennan style. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just like, whatever. If you can, if you roll it, you can do it. I don't know. I, I genuinely don't know what this rule says. So and I don't have the time, so look it out. So just make it happen. Yeah. Let's just, let's just have fun. So was the movie like.

A good portrayal of the game. Like, I don't even know. I think so. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think so. Like, they, [00:09:00] it's obviously a scripted movie, right? For sure. So it's not exactly like Yeah. Dun Dragons, but there's like a lot of there's like Vox McKinna and stuff like that that are all based on actual games that happen, but I don't think that the movie was based on like an actual game.

No, not like a single was. No, I think it purely just, I purely scripted Yeah. Picking around like characters and Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, it gave you a good idea of like the imaginative possibility. Yeah. Right. I do like the kind of they did end up having like a, a cohesive storyline, but I did like, I think right in the beginning they just had the, like the main character do something like totally random.

Yeah. And I think that is . Like my first time ever playing Dungeons and Dragons, I punched a window or my character mm-hmm. Punched a window and broke their hand, like straight off the bat. Like, and I think that says a lot about Dungeons and Dragons, especially because like, especially if you're playing with people that I've never played before, they're always gonna do something really stupid [00:10:00] like.

Immediately . And it's, but also plays to the game that it's not a stringent storyline that each one player can take it anywhere. Yeah. It is so imaginative and again and again, there's the fact that there are so many rules is because there's basically no rules. Correct? Yeah. Correct. So you have a mind blown.

Yeah. And so you can never know and, and you and every game has different rules and every game has like a DM that. Takes those rules the way they want to take it. It's like the Bible, you know? Yeah. It doesn't, you interpret it as you, you interpret it. Yeah. Yeah. And then you get a lot of people that get really pissed about how you interpret it.

Yep, yep. Enough angry in the corner, hydro, like different denominations of uh Yeah, yeah. Different. Yeah. It is, it is genuinely. And then you got Gary Ax is like, God, you know? Yeah. No. 'cause I would, I would deepen the, I watched all the drop off. Well, I mean, I rented are Oh yeah. I went hard in the paint. You went so far.

Yeah. Hard in the paint. I did not do any of that. God, I've known you for, for how many years? Because when I've like decided to do, and I never knew this, [00:11:00] I a juggernaut because it never happened. I was never able to like, get a group together. And so like, yeah, because you have to do it on like a regular Yeah.

Schedule. Unless you can find a DM that'll do like a one shot every now mm-hmm . Because there are some I have a friend who apparently just does Tuesday nights. He just does a random one shot, one short campaign. Like Yeah, it's like a two hour. Game. And if you don't win, you die. And that's end. The end end.

I thought it's a game of life. That's Which is fine. Yeah. Yeah. Which I think the purple Worm show that they had for like, oh yeah. That was like, that it was a one shot and that everyone always died at the end. Mm-hmm . It was, no, but I mean, fun. Yeah, I know, because note, I kind of talked about this with your brother and, and Eunice like your sister-in-law too, like, 'cause they, they love that shit too.

Mm-hmm . So like, I did, I did nerd out with them, but I was like, yeah, I would love to do that. . Yeah. I like, like reading books about it and, and movies. But there, there was a guy that I was like quasi kind of not really dating at one point that he was a dm and so he was trying to, I was very intrigued. Like I was just, yeah.

I [00:12:00] was also just trying to be like interested in him. Right. And like his interest and stuff. And he was a DM and he attention to what you do. Yeah. Mm-hmm. What are your fun things that . Whatever. And he had like a whole, he had turned his bonus room into like the, the, the like DM room. I don't know. It's the d and d room.

Dungeon . Yeah. And he had a take one of those table. Yeah. Wait, just, just to be clear, that wasn't a dungeon dungeon, that was a no. D and d game room? Correct. Okay. Which, just checking basically the same, just checking. Fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all damp and dark in there. And he had like one of those sounds like man pitch too much, too much.

Men that never moved outta their mom's basements. It's cost way too much money. He had Yeah, one of those tables. One of those little tables. Oh gosh. They're so expensive. Yes. And he had a space where, and this made me think of Sheldon from . Big Bang theory. Bang theory because oh boy, he had a space where he would move like a computer screen up for somebody that could, a lot of times could only appear v virtually, they couldn't be there in person.

Oh, that's so he would like, that's kind of cute. Like scoop, like the screen up. And so I just thought of like Sheldon when he was on his little robot thing anyway and [00:13:00] I, we literally were like, we were outside walking, like talking about it and I just had constantly so many follow up questions. I was like, I, my mind is just not, I think I need to come witness like what this looks like because just talking about it, my mind was like, I can't, I can't put all these things together.

Yeah. And it's just like all the math, like is very offputting. I have I have the, my coworkers are kind of an eclectic group of people and one of them is very, she was very not interested at, I don't know, it was like she wouldn't seem like the person that would, she's a horse girl. Mm-hmm . So like you would, she, she's more into like going and doing stuff like outside.

And so this was like a big turn. Left for her. And I think, but I think she actually really likes it. Not to put, not to put words in her mouth, but I think she comes back every month. So Yeah. I assume she likes it a little bit. Yeah. I'm just, I'm just pouring myself outta here. I've got dice ready to roll.

there. Open call for Daja Open call. That'd be fun [00:14:00] though. Yeah, it's a, it's a good time. And then there's actually a lot of podcasts that are active campaigns that are, I'm sure. Yeah, they're really good. Yeah. There's Dungeons and Daddies is so good. And that sounds fantastic. Yes. And the Real Housewives of Dungeons and Dragons.

I've heard that one. It's so good. It's so good because it's fun, it's funny, it's hilarious. Like Yes. And it's. Yeah. Anyway. Well, and why would you not, and I know, again, ramblings of the restless fine, this is why we picked this topic or this podcast platform, but like, why would, so like, I love like, like Deja here.

I love like the fantasy lore of book, like books, you know, like dragons and fairies and witches and like, all we spent, our last episode was over an hour long talking about vampire lore, just vampires. Interesting . Yeah. Our favorite, you guys are vampire lore. Anything in ever? I mean, I'm a, I like Anne Rice, but I think that's where I

Oh, I, I'm not a Twilight girl. I bet you we could have doubled the length of that episode, like Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. , but it was well we were educating Joe on where Will, it was a, it took a just rabbit hole after rabbit hole hole. But but [00:15:00] so I like all of that, like reading mm-hmm. All of that and watching movies around it and everything.

Yeah. So I'm like, well, you also, that's, that's, it's just it too though, like the, if you have a good DM for, if you want a recurring campaign, they'll probably feel out the group and see what you're interested in, because there's not only . You don't have to just stick to fantasy stuff. Mm-hmm. Hmm. There's like full on future, you know, spaceship sci-fi stuff, like stuff.

Yeah. You can be in literally any world that's, that's, that's just any scenario that's available. Yeah. It's the, the multiverse situation. So you can be in literally any world, there might not even be any dragons at all. There might not be vampire. There could be only vampires. Yeah. , it doesn't. People never die,

It's true. And it, and yeah, it can be literally anything you want it to be. So that's cool. I didn't know that. That's really cool. Yeah. Well, there you go. Open call. If you guys need to get ahold of Daja, you want her to come play like us, you know, our voicemail number, voicemail number, Instagram, you can send us an email.

It's, it's all on the gram and our website. So, okay. So the zookeeper piece. Okay. [00:16:00] I'm gonna ask you this because I'm curious as to Yes. What is the, when you tell people that you are a zookeeper, what's like the most frequent question that you get? Like, what's your favorite animal? Yeah, that's usually, yeah,

It's that one. Yeah, so I always get asked what my favorite animal is, and then I have to be like, okay, what's my favorite animal that I work with, or what's my favorite animal in general? And I always have, I don't know. Yeah. What is the animal you like the least? The least. Ooh, okay. For, okay. I guess it we'll go with what That you work with as that I work the least, my least favorite that I work with.

No, don't put them on the, they're, they're this podcast . No, I, no, no. I love all the animals that I work with. I would say that like, in general, I not a fan of like ticks or the parasites. Yeah. A the parasitic kids not, yeah. Not a huge fan. I understand their importance to some extent. I I don't really like fleas or bedbugs.

Okay. We're still parasites. Yeah. , I find that, [00:17:00] I find that bedbugs really don't have a purpose, so I don't really like them too much. The close hotel hotels, . Yeah. I find, and I actually, I find ants very fascinating, but I don't want them near me 'cause I am actually kind of allergic. Mm-hmm . To ants. Oh, me too.

You found that out. And I and the, you know, it's kind of sad. I actually really like rats and mice. I think they're super fun and really smart. But I am very allergic to them, so, oh, I do cannot. And did you find this out by trial and error? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. No, I I had pet rats for a really long time when I was little.

And then over the years, I, my, my asthma got like worse and worse and worse. And you're like, why is this being, yeah. Oh my gosh, this is so weird. And then, and finally when I, my last pair of rats passed and I didn't get new ones. I was like, wow. Breathe. I think I might be having allergic to rats and now I'm, I know for sure that I am allergic to rats.

I got tested, but yeah, which is kind of sad because I really liked them. Yeah, because I was, I was just thinking, we were just talking in a previous podcast about, and I was like, 'cause like geese are [00:18:00] assholes. Yeah. But I love them. Well that's what iese I was Canada Goose right outside Right. Watching me get lost in the parking lot.

And he was like laughing. He's sitting back, he's he's using some chip just having a gaff off. Yeah. Yeah. He was like Sean and Freud up . And I love that about them. They do not care. Which I absolutely adore. Well, that's no shit's given. That's exactly what I was talking about in the last episode. I was like, I want to walk through life with a level of confidence as a Canadian goose crossing, a busy highway or a busy street.

They do not care. Nope. Stop traffic. Like Yeah. Whatever. They're Wait for me. Yeah. Y'all are gonna watch. Yeah. Especially right now with all the, the political climate. I bet they're even more so like America, like Canada. W yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And like, the only animal that I wouldn't work, it's not that I hate them.

Mm-hmm . It's the only animal that I wouldn't probably want to work with is chimpanzees. Oh, I love them. You like your face and your genitals or, yeah. Okay. Surprise. Well, I mean, [00:19:00] the genitals, they have to really work to get out, but I listen. Yeah, they're diligent. They're, they they do, but the nose is right there, you know.

Oh, yeah. But no, no, it's actually it's actually not, not the, they are, they are kind of scary in that way, but I, it's actually because I have really bad what is it called? Uncanny valley syndrome. Hmm. Have you heard of that? Mm-hmm. No. So un the uncanny valley is where you see like things that are humanoid but aren't human.

Mm-hmm. So it's like that uncomfortable feeling you get when you see like a hyper realistic like mannequin. Mm-hmm. Or like a robot that is supposed to be a person but moves just weird or Okay. Where your brain catches in that glitch of like, is this, or, or ai, like when you see an AI video and you know that it's ai mm-hmm

That's the uncanny valley. It's where it's like, it's so close to being human, but it's not mm-hmm . That it makes you very uncomfortable. Yes. And I I have that and, and we have chimps at the zoo that I work at mm-hmm . And I can't [00:20:00] watch them. Like, I can't sit there and watch them for, you know, I see people just like sitting there just like, blah, blah, blah.

Mm-hmm . And I, for some reason, I feel like I'm. It's like voyeuristic and I feel like I'm watching people live their lives. No, I, I, I understand that. Like, it's, it's very it just something about it. I just feel like, and I know that they're happy. I know that they're like well taken care of. I know the keepers that work there and they're wonderful and like the animals are great and all this stuff, and I know everything about that.

And I'm sure if I worked with them for longer, I would like, it'll start to break down. But like, just standing in front of the habitat, I'm just like, I can't, I can't do this. I gotta even, like, even the gorillas don't affect me. Way that the do, do I just, yeah, I can't, that's interesting. Yeah. It's, it's too human.

It, it's, well, I mean, definitely are. Yeah. Yeah. They're, yeah. And they're incredibly intelligent, obviously. I'm sure they, we are what, 99.3% genetically? Oh, I don't know. I dunno, . I, I'm a zoologist, but Sure. I know. Like we are, there's, we're only [00:21:00] a couple. Yeah, we're couple mutations off. Yeah. We're actually closer to Bonobos than, what's it, bonobo?

It's a Pygmy Chimp is another name for them. They're a subset of, well, they're not, they're, they're ones that I was telling you about. They love flicking the Bean. They're big in their culture about masturbation, lesbian relationships. Really? Yeah. They're super sexual. And there's actually only one, maybe one zoo in the country that has them.

Yeah, I think Cincinnati or Columbus. No, it's Columbus. I think because they're, there's, they're only located in a very small region. Yeah. Yeah. It's this little, like this little, just like. Kind of isolated pocket of the Congo, I wanna say. Yeah. Mm-hmm . And like the chimps, there are chimps on either side, but then the, the bonobos live on just this, like where the river kind of like makes a little horseshoe and they're just slightly, they're just right there.

Slightly little genetically differently. Yeah. Just they're, they're separate species. They, they're literally just like different ethnicities, basically. Like humans, right? Yeah. But they have different social behaviors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're very different. And actually, you know, it's kind of, I've, I read a, a study between [00:22:00] chimps and Bonobos that was really kind of telling and interesting, but basically Bonobos were given like a task and chimps were given a task and they found that Bonobos were better at performing cooperative tasks than chimpanzees were just because of their social structure.

And they are a, a female led right. They're like matriarchal in comparison into, well, that explains that. But also the, but also because they're so like. Sexual and not aggressive. Right. They would like complete their job and then just bang it out and be like, great job everybody. And then the chimps would like just fist fight, just like save other bon, which is a cool work.

No, no. They, they're mentally, psychologically, more socially advanced. Yeah. Yeah. Really cool to watch. Yeah. And they, they kind of even look a little more human and they're also, they don't have as much fur as the chimps do. So even more uncomfortable to watch the bonobo. But yeah, bonobo, they choose love chimps, choose for[00:23:00]

That's true. It's true. But that said, there are more chimps than Bonobos, so, you know, whatever works for you. So I'm sure you get asked this question. Well, I have two more questions. Okay. With the, well probably more than that, . It's okay. You mentioned the, the person that you work with that does the dungeon and dragons with you.

Yeah. And she's like the horse girl. Yeah. So do you have like a particular, are you like a something girl at the zoo? No, probably not. I used to be a horse girl a long time ago, but no, I am actually in education. Mm-hmm. I'm, well the ambassador animal department, and so the animals that I work with actually go to do like programs and, you know, popups around the zoo.

So I'm probably more of like in, in the zoo keeping field. I'd be more of like on the education side of that. Cool. But I, I wouldn't say that I'm one, like I don't. I think I could just work with one type of animal all the time. Mm-hmm . Not that I don't love. I I'm sure I could, that's said I could, but I think that [00:24:00] I just like the, the variety, excuse me, , sorry.

We're, we're drinking Austin e cider. Yeah. What flavor you got over there? . I got blood orange. It's actually delicious, but also I, it's bur it's carbonated. Yeah. , we, we chose great things for something to talk the top. No, it's really what, what you are doing is probably more important, if not equally as important because if you don't educate people Yeah.

To then go out and talk about zoology and animal care in our ecosystems. Yeah. They won't . Fund money back into the zoo. Yeah. Yeah. That is, ambassadors are the ambassador animals are really, I think, a really good at like, filling in. Like when people come to the zoo and there's this big old, the zoo that I work with is a little too big, honestly.

And people will like, have to walk a really long time and they don't see any animal. Perfect. So . Yeah. So there's like these little spots along the [00:25:00] trail that we can bring an ambassador animal to. And so to kind of entertain people while they're. Not seeing an animal, but at the same time, most people don't read signs.

Most people don't read . Most people you just stop right there. . Well, yeah. But which actually I have a funny story about that , but but because most people don't read signs they end up missing a lot of the conservation messaging or they miss a lot of stuff. We actually have like little stations around the zoo that, where they talk about a specific conservation project that the zoo does, and the ambassador animals are a really good way to like, draw people in and talk about those conservation issues.

So it's, it's a lot of fun, but that's very cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, I say I like all this space. 'cause I'm a, oh God, I'm a judge. When I go to a zoo and I'm like, do I feel depressed and have suicidal ideations? Oh, whoa, . Because it's so, so small. Like, you know, like you're looking at en enclosures that are just inhumane.

Yeah. You know, and so like, I, yeah, so actually there's, it is really interesting. There's actually a kind of a philosophy in the zoo world [00:26:00] and the, we are an a ZA zoo. So the Association of Zoos and Aquariums is constantly evolving their standards that they make, their zoos that are part of them adhere to mm-hmm

And there's actually kind of this new philosophy coming out in zoos about, it's, you can have a football field of space for an animal, but if there's nothing in it. It's gonna be boring, right? Mm-hmm . So it's almost better to have a smaller space that has a lot of fun stuff for the animal to do. And so that's when we get into like enrichment mm-hmm.

Where you give them like a toy or you give them something. And for some of our animals that we have an ambassador, we have animals that don't move a lot. So we've had like snakes and they don't really Right. They just kind of sit there. Or we have like tarantulas, they genuinely . Don't like to do stuff.

Right. So, having but, but still having a habitat that has stuff in it. Mm-hmm . Like somewhere for them to hide or having, you know, live food options if if you can do those. And then but, but yeah. If [00:27:00] you go to a zoo and you're like, oh, this habitat is really small, it's the wolves. It's what gets made the, if you put wolves inside of like, the size of this room and they just have that path.

Oh yeah. Just pacing that path, that pacing path. That's what gets me. Yeah. Yeah. It hits the core of my being. Yeah. Yeah. And, and, but when they have like a big open and close, like there's a lot of zoos. Like DC has a great, like DC has a great job. Yeah. Yeah. The National Zoo mm-hmm . Which are going through it right now, probably.

No, yeah. Because they, they get all their funding from the federal government. Mm-hmm . Yeah. But you wanna really bring it down. Yeah. But yeah. So. Craigslist still exists. I mean, I guess your Chihuahua 16, so Yeah. Well, sorry, I'm going back to that. Craigslist does still exist, believe it or not. It does actually still exist, but this was actually I did not have her for the full 16.

I had her for I've had her for seven years. And yeah, it was a really weird. Story . Basically, I was in a weird spot in my life where I wanted to live in a van. And so [00:28:00] I was like, well, I'm going to get a small dog, because I had lost my family dog a number of years before that. And I was like, I really, really need a dog.

So I was like, okay, well I'm just gonna get a little dog. And I've always had big dogs, so I was like, I don't know what to do. But I was just like, I also can't afford anything 'cause I'm trying to live in a van. Yeah, . So I was like, well, I'm just gonna go on Craigslist. And so I go on Craigslist and I see this just an ad for this dog.

It was actually two dogs, but the one was a lab and the other one was my dog Pixie. And I was like, oh. So I emailed her, I was like, Hey, I can't take the big dog, but is would you be willing? Like, she was like, I need these dogs gone asap, my allergies or something. I was like, okay. And I was like, Hey, are they okay to separate or are they bonded?

And she was like, oh, no, no, it's okay if they're separated. And so I, I was like, okay, well, can I go down and meet. I'm not just gonna like take a dog without meeting them first. Yeah. And she was like, yeah, that's fine. And then I got, it was in Wilmington and so I got her like information and I drove [00:29:00] down to Wilmington and like on the drive down, she told me that I was gonna be meeting her pet sitter and not her.

And I was like, okay. And she was like you're gonna go to this address. And I was like, or this, or you're gonna go to this Walmart in Wilmington, the Walmart parking lot. And I was like, okay, she doesn't want me to go to her house. That's fine. Then on the way there, I realized there were three Walmarts within like a, like spitting distance of each other in Wilmington.

So I was like, which Walmart is it? And then I tried to call, and when I called a man answered the phone . And I was like, I felt like I was talking to a woman the whole time, but I was like, I can't assume. And so I was like, okay, maybe I was wrong. But then he was like and then there were like children like screaming in the background and stuff and I was like, okay.

He was like, no, no, you're just gonna go there and meet our pet sitter. And I was like, okay. And I got there and this pet sitter was so flustered. She was like, I don't know what [00:30:00] had happened during the day, but she was going through it and she was like . She had blood on her pants and I was like, what is happening right now, ma'am?

Do you need medical adjusters? She was like, no. The other dog broke a nail and was jumping on me, and I got blood on my pants and the pixie was in the car, just, just barking her brains out. She was not having a good time. And this poor pet sitter was like, I have never met these dogs before in my life.

I have never met these people before in my life. I have literally no idea what's going on. She said that you were gonna take this dog. And I was like, okay, guess I'm taking this dog. I guess I'm taking this dog today. And she like, hands me this poor dog who is like not having a good time. And I was like, oh my gosh, what did I do?

And I get in the car and as I'm like driving away with this dog, I, I, I like messaged the woman on I messaged her again for the, for her cell phone on Craigslist, . Oh, [00:31:00] no, no. I had her number at that point. And I was like, Hey, I think I'm stealing your dog . Like, I have no medical information. I didn't pay for this dog.

Like there's no . If you at any point want this dog back, I literally have no claim to this dog other than I am driving away with it. Right. And she was like, no, it's okay. Thank you so much. And I was like, okay. And then like a month later, she followed me on Instagram. And I know for sure it was a woman this time because she like messaged me and like her photo was there and she was like sending me pictures of Pixies, like baby photos or something. And I was like, okay, thank you . And and then later on she moved to Idaho or something, or Iowa. And I was like, okay. Wow. Wow. Yeah. What a, that's a journey. Yeah. Yeah. And, and seven years ago. And still have this and Pixies living her best life now.

She's doing great. She's fine. Did you ever end up living, did you do the fan life? The No. No. No. Oh, okay. That's crazy. Well, I I had [00:32:00] some, some really close friends who No, no, I'm just kidding. If you could do it, that's amazing. But I, well, I was not, they did it on vacation and they're like, that's traveled.

Like they went to Iceland and they did life and so they like drove. Oh, that's really cool. Up Iceland. And like, they would like stay at a spot's cool. And go out and like hike and do all the things. I had a friend that lives in a converted bus for a while and I was like, that's pretty cool. But no, I never got around to that because just

I, my mental space was like, not great. So all of that combined, I was like, I'm glad I didn't end up living in a van. 'cause I feel like I'm in a much better spot now. . But not that I'd be living in a van is a bad thing, but just for certain people. Not for for me. Not for you. And Pixie. No. Pixie. She, she likes having an apartment.

Yeah. Yeah. She is. She's pretty good about that. So That's awesome. All I think about with Craigslist is missed connections. Oh yeah. I used, yeah, they might still have those too. I up a nice glass of something, G sit down g and, [00:33:00] but then peruse through, missed connections. I mean, you want a good belly roll?

Yeah. Good gfa. That's, that's at the, and then one time you look at it and it was, you like, oh, that's, that's what I'm looking for. I really, I'm a single lady out here to mingle. Looking for best connections are. Start posting yourself down. Like were you the guy? Do I have, did you see me at the corner? ? This is just, just post your picture on Oh my, the guy at the grocery store that you were, but I need like an action, like a shy side profile action shot.

No. Did you see me just No, no. I think that's brilliant. Like if you actually have a misconnection and you know where and when it happened, all you need to do is just have a photo recreating what that person would have seen. Yes. And you don't even have to like type it all out. No. Like most people don't read.

So like, true. A picture is so much better. I mean, feel inspired. I'm surprised. I feel inspired. I'm surprised they haven't turned that into an app yet. Like a Misconnection app. They must have. [00:34:00] There must be somehow. Yeah. I'm willing to, there has to be somebody. Try that. Do you guys ever read the the Koala Bear Craigslist post?

She's got a koala on her shirt. It all about chlamydia. , no shit, right? Yeah. Somebody wrote like this Really funny koala bear posts. Oh. And it's, it's hysterical. You guys want me to read a little bit of it? Yeah, I do. Did you pull it up already? Like you were ready? Yeah, he, I'm ready really to talk about this.

Wait, hold on. Before we get's very funny. Koalas and chlamydia is the thing. Yes, yes. They like all have it. Yes. I think it rapidly spread to their population. Yeah, yeah. No, it's actually really bad. It's yeah, they're a apparently . Just like, it's really contagious. It's specifically koala chlamydia.

It's not Okay. I didn't know if they were hooking up with the Bonobos. No. They, they got it all on their own. But yeah, they, but it's impacting the reproduction, right? It's, yeah, it's really, it's not good. It's it's more for like the babies that end up having it. That's worse. And also, like, I could, again, I know.

So I don't know. This was before we started rolling. But like, I know [00:35:00] really morbid facts about pretty much every animal ever. I love it. I love and like, no, like most most elephants have herpes. Damn. Yeah. Yeah. You're like the Debbie Downer of zoologists. Love it. No, I, I, I would argue that we're all Debbie Downers.

Yes. I'm probably the lightest of bunch, honestly. . That's funny. All right. What's this? What other TD is prevalent in a mammalian species? In mammalian probably a lot more than that. Oh, man. Yeah. All, all, all of them. . All them. All right. All right. It's a little long, but I'll read it to you. It's the Kuala Bear Post from a Craigslist.

It's for Aurora qua Bear Minute. I'm gonna drink this awesome cider. I have a three-year-old koala bear named Gum Nut, and I'm desperately trying to find a new home. I bought him in January figuring it would be an awesome pet and I would enjoy living in my greenhouse. Sadly, I was wrong. I paid $3,200 for him back in January, and I'm not sure what a used koala bear market's like in a good economy or if there is one now, but I'm open to offer, so please use some common sense before contacting me.

Gum [00:36:00] nuts, stats. The good, he's somewhat housebroken uses the cat box most of the time, too. For the most part, he's very quiet. He also falls asleep in into a bad category, which we'll touch on in a moment. He eats spiders. He hates watching desperate house races. He gets along with one of my two dogs and he loves to go for car rides.

Now the bad, he eats a lot of eucalyptus, which is not cheap as I expected. Apparently, eucalyptus like a drug for qualis bears was when gum nuts come down. He's super high and violent and aggressive. . He raped and killed my wife's cat, miss Kitty. Honestly, I wanted to put this in the good section 'cause I've been trying to find a way to get rid of that worthless cat

He does not like Asians. Don't know where he got this idea. . But somebody, somebody Asian, must not be real, really mistreated him. He loves Vin Diesel movies. Not sure why, but he just does. He has extremely sharp claws in teeth, which he uses often. He likes shiny objects, steals and hides them frequently. In my dog's rear end, he's quiet, and as a result, has snuck into my wife and I during intimate moments.

I mind him watching gum. Smells terrible and is not easy to [00:37:00] wash. I had to soak a guest soak, drag over his mouth until he blacked out to get him in the bathtub for his bath. No, this is so fake. Once he is in the water, he is fine. Hold on. No, no. I gotta circle back. This quality was what again? Gum nuts.

Gum nuts is no way. This is real. It can be, but this is hysteric. It's kind of funny though. Yeah, it is kind of funny though. It just keeps getting worse and worse. Like, oh, I believe that. I mean, it's no different than the guys on Bumble. Oh my. Look at this fish I caught. Yeah. Oh man. Yeah. Yeah. There's absolutely no way
[00:38:00]

I'm just looking at the Koala on your shirt now. I'm like, hello gum. . Hi. Good nut. That's his name. Now don't kill my cat. Yeah, no, I mean, honestly though, like a koala probably could kill a cat. Like I don't that I, they probably could actually do that, but I . Like, yeah, there's some, there's a little, little nuggets of truth in there.

Some nuts, some truth. Little, little, little nuts of truth to, to love Vin Diesel movies. True. Yeah. Yeah. Koalas and Vin Diesel have always had that relationship [00:39:00] symbiotic fast and fear. You show them at the zoo, right? Yeah. Yeah. Well, we don't have, we don't have any this, but actually I did, I did work at a zoo where they did have koalas and, and, and as far as the eucalyptus comment, that is absolutely 100% true.

Yeah. It, it so expensive. It, yeah, yeah. Down. I like the way it's mouth. No, no, no. The, the high thing is debatable, but it is expensive, isn't it? Really hard to digest. So like their body, like Yeah. It's, it's not the easiest to, well, they're like, all plants really are pretty hard mm-hmm . For animals to digest.

And that's why like, you know, cows have, you know, four chambers and all that stuff. But the, the, the main problem with keeping koalas and zoos is, first of all, they are all owned by Australia, so you have to go through the Australian government to get a koala in the us. So that's why I highly doubt this person had one if they were in the us.

I don't know if other rest of the world, but they, so they're kinda like the pandas of Australia. Yeah, that makes sense, sense. And and on top of that, they're incredibly expensive to keep, like [00:40:00] just, you have to literally buy eucalyptus from Australia. We actually, we actually use a, there's a a brand of browse that we use at the zoo called Koala Browse that

Like specifically grows brows, four zoos, and they are like the, they're like the monopoly on eucalyptus in the us Yeah. It's wild. It's wild. But yeah. Yeah. That's, that's intense. It's like, it's millions of dollars to keep koala just Wow. It's, yeah, it's crazy. I don't feel so bad about my dogs And the vet then.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. My, my dogs, my dog's last visit was $900 and I was like, well, Lisa's not a koala. Yeah. . Right. 16-year-old Chihuahua. Well then chlamydia medication, apparently like, well, yeah, actually, I don't know if it's treatable

You just do doesn't stop them. I don't think it's treatable with koala. Oh yeah. Which is really sad. They're also apparently not very bright. They're some of the, well, obviously they keep on spreading fucking clean limited chlamydia. Well, I mean, humans [00:41:00] do it too, so. Well, we're not very bright either. Not very.

That's true. That is true. Yeah, so, but yeah, the spider comment, I was like, I don't think they eat spiders spider. That'd be weird. They, they might, if they get real mad. I wouldn't trust anything for that one. I just thought it was a funny No, no, no. I do think it's funny. I, I like to find, I actually really like to find people like like these crazy stories are clearly fabricated and I like to like, pick out the little bits of truth.

Yeah. 'cause people will always do that to me. They'll be like, I heard this story, that's so and so, or like, an animal will do this or this. And it's like, is that true? I get that a lot. And I'm like, I mean, kind of. It's, there's a little truth in there. But yeah, like the, the myths and, and stuff about animals.

I'm always like. I always get those questions and I was like, yes, kind. It's not exactly like that, but are koala cuddly. 'cause I feel like that would be the only reason that anybody would buy one, just to cuddle with it. I have touched a koala and they are quite, like, their fur is really [00:42:00] thick, but it's a little bit like, almost a little wiry, but like, almost feels like the stuffing in a, like a pillow like that, that not it's like fake cotton, like kind of fibery, I guess.

Yeah, A little fibery, but also really like pushy, spongy. Yeah. Yeah. And and honestly like. I, I mean, cuddle. How much are you trying to cuddle them? Like , I mean, an inappropriate amount of, an appropriate amount of cuddling sense. You, I mean, they are like there are a lot of, there's actually like a proper like hold that, that you do to like, not restrain a koala, but necessarily, but like, at least at the zoo that I worked at to like carry them from one room to the other.

There was a specific hold that they had to do where they basically used their arms like a tree, and the koala would just like grab onto their arms. That's how you cuddle a koala. That's how you cuddle them. Is it like they do have sharp claws? That part is true. I wouldn't wanna be on the angry end of those.

They're probably not meant to be. Pets is bottom. No, no, not, I mean, no animal [00:43:00] was meant to be a pet until humans made them a pet. So, yeah, exactly. I don't think my dogs can make it anymore on their own. Oh no, no, no. My 16-year-old chihuahua would, would never, she would die of the thought. I bet. Right. That switch wave would plop out if she needed to.

Right. She cut a bitch. She's, I believe in her. She's, she's blind in her left eye. But she's got, she's got Mazy, pixie. Pixie and her. That's right. Sounds like a great band name. Hell yeah. Get her an eye patch. She kinda looks like Thor album cover of the year. Great. There so many pictures of her ing. So let's talk about the other side.

That is Brett, the comedian side that we met originally. And Deja and I have to tell the story because. When we saw Brett at this Galanes Day, comedian , it was all female comedians. It was great. And there were like, I don't know, less than a handful of men in the audience. Yes. And so Brett gets up there and she has her light up ukulele and it was fantastic.

And she [00:44:00] starts to like sing a song. She strum a little bit and then she was like, was like, oh my God, some of you guys are gonna hate this song . And then she gets into the song and Deja and I are like laughing over here. We have very dark, sarcastic senses of humor, so we loved it. But we, we were in the very front row and we look directly, the stage is like a semicircle.

And so we look across from us and there are these two older women who. We're, I mean, not having it not pleased with the content, my god, of the song and Brett is just up there just like singing her little heart out and like, it's so funny to us and like the cheerfulness of the song combined with the content of the song is the juxtaposition is fantastic.

And but to see these the whole time, I mean, they're just like, ah, I think I was doubling down harder because I would glance back over to them and there's that just Stonewall like the, the, the, the two old men Muppets, right? Like yeah. And so we asked Brett as we were getting ready to start recording, like if she saw their faces bef and [00:45:00] that's why she said that.

And you said no. no. Yeah. So funny. You just know. No, it's funny as I was about to be like, that's never happened before. No, I like literally every show that I've ever done I've had people really love . Really hate a lot of my stuff, and I am totally okay with that. Yeah, good. Because I think, I think it's funny.

Yeah. I like, and I have, I have a few songs that are that I preface with, like, well, we're like transition between songs with like, trying to make people like realize that they're being ridiculous for, you know, not laughing because it's a truly incredible song. , yes. , yes. Yes. No, no. I, I genuinely, I know that people like, and that's, I think that's comedy.

Is that, yeah. And I've been doing it for so long at this point that I'm like, I don't care. Yeah. Well, and that's my thing too, is that, like, to me, if a comedian does not address like . The, the, the darker. So this song happened to be about like [00:46:00] a suicide hotline, . And so, but it's done. It's like just such a great way.

It was a love story. Yes, it is a love story. And all my songs are a love story. Yeah. , her whole set was a rom-com. It's fine and like if, if comedians don't like address those things in a way that we can like laugh at, because they're very real issues. And I think that's, that's what's supposed to, that's what comedians are supposed to do, is, is make us laugh about these things that we can't escape.

Yeah. Actually I had a woman come up to me one time after I sang that song that was . This, this part, like, I think actually was the first time I was like, oh, no. Was she came up and she, she just like, she like held my hand and she was like, my son attempted suicide last year. And I was like, oh no, where's this conversation about to go?

And she was like, I wanna thank you for letting us laugh about it tonight. Oh. And I was like, oh. Oh my God. Thank God. Oh, that could have gone so bad. . Yeah. Oh my gosh. But I, yeah, and, and, you know, not to get too, too dark, but I've known people who have succeeded and, you know, it's, and I've, you know, [00:47:00] part of the song is from like a real place, you know?

And so. I think making myself laugh about it, I think it's more important than necessarily making other people laugh about it. Well, and it's also, I mean, it's a real thing. Yeah. No, it's a true thing. It's real. It's real. It's a true thing. And like it's real. Some people that, that humanist aspect of like, no, it's, it's okay to look at her laugh at our dark sides and, you know, it's okay to laugh at pain sometimes too, because everybody has it.

Like Yeah, it's cathartic, like it's mm-hmm . It's therapy in its own right. Yeah. Yeah. But I thought it was funny as far . Yeah, she was. I just wanted to look at it and be like, pull the stick outta your ass. That's funny. Choke man. Yeah. I, I also don't wanna be the person that, like, I, I also have seen a lot of comedians that will call those people out for not laughing.

Oh. I am not that kind of person. I usually I , I, you know, be where you're wanted kind of situation. Mm-hmm . Like if you don't. Wanna laugh at my thing, I'm gonna [00:48:00] come over here to these people who are clearly enjoying themselves. Yeah. Right, right. And like, make, try to make them laugh more because I'm not wasting my time with people that, yeah.

Don't think it's funny. I mean, you can't please everyone. Right. Like, and, and I, I that's so life as a comedian as well. Like, how did you get into it? You said you've been doing it for a while, right? Yeah. So like, how, how were you like, you know what? I'm funny as fuck, I'm gonna go stand on a stage and talk about it.

No. I was in middle school no gen, no genuinely. I I started doing theater when I was in middle school. My sister was in theater and I had to do everything my sister did. So, of course we did we, we ended up doing theater all through middle high school. Then I ended up doing it in college and got a minor in theater and I was like, I like genuinely, I thought I was really good and I probably actually was, but I'm not trying to too my own horn.

But I actually was pretty good. And and so after I graduated high school or graduated college I realized that theater was a lot of time. It took a lot of effort and time and it was usually unpaid. [00:49:00] And I just, at that point, I needed to work and get money and live in a Van down by the river, down by the river

And so I was like, you know what? I'm gonna, I, I can't really do theater, it's just not fiscally responsible, . And so I was like, well, let me do something not also not fiscally responsible. And tried to some, do some standup. And I actually did regular standup for a year before. Trying to play something.

Okay. But I really liked flight of Concords. Mm-hmm . Mm-hmm . Yeah. My, my favorites. They're so good. And I, after a year in it, I was like, you know what? I could probably write a song. And so I just wrote like a really stupid song and it was really popular for a little bit. And then I was like, well, darn it.

Now I have to write another one, . And and then I sort of capped out after like year four or so. And then yeah. And then I was kind of coasting from there and I, I decided I didn't wanna do it like, for my career because I [00:50:00] really wanted to pursue Zookeeping, which were animals in general. So I just kind of made it my, like, hobby on the side for the past.

It was like 10 years now. Nice. Nice. It's a good hobby. Yeah, it's fun. It's a good time. So have you, I've always wondered, like, have you had the moments getting up there and like. Just crickets. Yes. Yeah. Is that, how do you, how do you recover from that? You don't, I only , like, I'm, it's still torture. No, no.

I, I, I've definitely, thanks for bringing it down, . So we're gonna relive it now. No, I I found that the. The third time I did comedy I, I bombed really hard and that, and I, so it's always funny when I see new people like, get up for the first time and they brought the whole crowd and they're like, I'm so good at this.

And I will always like the, you know, whenever I ask somebody, they're like, how many times have you been doing it? And they're like, oh, this is my second one. And I was like, well, you quit after the third one. [00:51:00] And they like, laugh at it. I'm like, I'm serious. Like, you are going to bomb. Like, just wait. Just wait.

You will bomb everybody bombs. Every single person bombs. And the third time I did it, I bombed like really hard. This was before I had music, which I've never bombed with music. . No, no, I'm just kidding. I actually did. But I, I bombed really, really hard. And I was like, okay, well, you know, . Whatever. I tried something new and it didn't work, and then the next time I did it, I went back to some of the older stuff that I had done for like my first couple.

And I was like, okay, so these are the things that works. These are the things that don't work. And then a year in, when I started doing the music stuff, I was like, okay, the music stuff pretty much hits like, oh, every time if I'm starting to falter in the, in the like, joke department, bring out a song because tap down soft stage baby.

Right? Right. , they're gonna clap it regardless because you, you wrote it. And so then but there was actually one, I, I actually really wanna do a show where [00:52:00] everyone just retells their worst show that they've ever been on. Hmm. And I did do one show that I got like, full on crickets, and that was pretty rough.

That was actually pretty far into my, my hobby. And so that one I'm not gonna talk about 'cause I was actually a little traumatic , but the, but, but I really wanna do a show where everyone talks about their worst show that they've ever done because I had one that's so good. Like, I was laughing the whole time because it was so funny.

But basically it was a 2:00 PM show, which already not great. Killer. Yeah. . My, my material usually is not clean. And I, and so for the Gallatine show, I pulled out the cleaner stuff that I have and and so I had to pull, they wanted an hour of clean material. I was like, I don't, I don't think I can think I have an hour of clean material.

And, so, yeah, so it was in Durham for . I feel bad telling this story again 'cause I actually know the lady who runs it, I feel kinda bad now, but she basically she wanted a full hour of, [00:53:00] of clingy comedy and it was a vegan mac and cheese cookoff and there were children of, I ju I was judging the vegan mac and cheese.

And it was mid, like June or July, no air conditioning in this building. Oh wow. It was a full, like concrete, you know, bunker building. And the stage was like crazy tall. It was like five foot off the ground and the, like, there were just like rows of picnic tables of people eating vegan, mac and cheese . And I was like, it was hot and I was full and, 'cause this was after I judged the vegan, so of course, oh lord.

Course now I've got people who already hate me for not, you know, picking, picking their mac and cheese, Mac and cheese. And I was like, you know, I had like sweats and it was like, it was terrible. And I went up after, I'm sorry, I can't even, okay. , I had to go up after two 8-year-old girls playing the violin.

With their moms on [00:54:00] stage with them. . Oh, precious. Oh my gosh. talk about it. That's a hard action. Follow. It was, it was brutal. And and they didn't have a microphone stand. Which is hard to do when you play, play an instrument. And so I had to use like a, a, like a music stand that they were using to play their violins.

The pianist was like on stage with me and I was like, I don't need a piano . And and then it was, oh my god, it was awful. So I had got up there, I might have done 15 minutes. It was silence. Like, other than like people just eating mac and cheese and you just heard like the four I just heard No, no, , you know,

I was like, oh god, no worries. I just heard like the, the sounds of mac and cheese being stirred and and like children, you know, and I was like, okay. I, I did like, I might've maybe 20 minutes, I'll give myself the benefit of the doubt. I think I might've done 20 and then I. Got off stage and she tried to pay me in a $50 massage coupon[00:55:00]

I was like, I was like, I can't believe this is happening to me. And I I, she did end up actually paying me after wearing it because I did kind of make a stink about it. But she, I, she said she was sorry and I was like, oh, you know what? My bad. But it was hilarious. Wow. Such that, that is a lot. It was so much.

Oh my god. I have no, it's the, it's the vegan mac and cheese, the vegan mac and cheese that really makes, makes the story. Oh God. Because you feel heavy and hot just thinking about it. Yeah. No air conditioning. It was funny. There were like, at least like six participants maybe, maybe like more than that. So I had to try every single one of them.

Before trying to sing, which I don't know if any, I mean, I know it's vegan cheese, but like, I dunno if anyone has tried to like sing after eating cheese, but it like, it doesn't work. Oh. Because like the consistency, like your mouth and your throats, it gets all like phlegmy. And I was like, this is just all of this disaster.

I couldn't have, I couldn't have planned this any worse. Any worse. And I was the only comedian, you know, it was just, it was brutal. [00:56:00] Wow. It was so bad. But it was hilarious though. Yeah. Genuinely hilarious. So that was a bomb. I didn't mind. Yeah, yeah. Oh man. Wait, wait. I mean, listen, Durham is a culinary town.

I love, that's, that's all. I love Durham. I genuinely, I love Durham. It was just, it just poor timing. and yeah. Don't ev just a word to the wise. Don't do your vegan mac and cheese Cookoff in like midsummer. Like, just don't do it. It's not the, especially without air conditioning. Yeah. It's not the time in the south.

Ugh. Woo goodness. Well, thanks. You made it. You made it. I did it. You survived. I'm here. Good job. Thank you. Proud of you. Thank you. Thanks Dad. So, so how does it work with, with comedy and like. How often do you have to come up with new material ? You know, never . No, I told you I was coasting. I actually, the joke that I have about like coming out with an album in the next six years or whatever is it, is actually true.

Like, I, I really don't write a lot and that's partly because I don't intend to [00:57:00] do this for like, a career. And I did, I have written a few things here and there, like over the past couple of years, but I think I am at this point not really focusing as much on it. If it comes to me, it comes to me and then I'll do it, but I don't really have to write too much.

And I know that's probably gonna piss a bunch of people off who are like trying to do like the hustle or whatever. I don't buy into the whole whole hustle culture thing, which is a huge, like, like, I don't know what it is about comedy and the triangle, but everybody is like, got hustle. You gotta do 10 shows a month, or, I don't know, a week or whatever.

Sorry, I got burps from this from this Austin East Cider. Austin what? This Austin East Cider. I know. 'cause I'm sitting here drinking my, that was Amber Ale from chugging during the Koala story. It's like from hop Fly outta Charlotte and I don't, I'm not burping like you are. Well, good for you, Charlotte. Yeah, so, yeah, I actually I've been told before usually by men that especi [00:58:00] by men, usually by men, that I am taking up space for people that are trying to do this for career or that I'm just not hustling enough because I don't like I, I'll tell people straight up, I'm like, I'm not gonna do a free show anymore.

Like, I just don't have the time. I already host a show in a monthly show in Garner. So I do my game show in Garner where I, I'm not, I don't, I take a backseat to that one. 'cause I actually prefer host at this point. So, I, it's like a game show, so I'll have like little stupid games and then the, the contestants end up doing standup at the end.

Mm. And it's a lot of fun if you wanna come to Garner. Yay. Yeah, I'm a night, night, day-ish, so it's not hard. Yeah. Bearded lady bottle shop second. I've heard of that. I've never been there, but yeah. Yeah. My, my friend runs that, so, second Saturday of the month is when I do my games show there. And then they also do a showcase the first Saturday of the month, and then they do like an open mic, I think on the third Saturday of the month.

Cool. Cool, cool, cool. [00:59:00] But they're really, they're a lot of fun and yeah. So, yeah, so I, but yeah, I've been told that like, oh, I had another guy tell me that. Musical comedy is easy. Laughs. And I was like, you, you wrote a song, right? Yeah. Whatcha are singing, bro? Insecure projection. Yeah. Like, okay.

Sounds like some def defensive, insecure bullshit. Like, all right, whatever, man. Still getting books. Well, he also thinks he could walk onto American Idol and take it all on show. I know. Yeah. I mean, I mean, I've seen the people on American Idol. It's possible. But I've seen a lot of people go on American Idol.

Yeah. So yeah, it, but it, yeah, generally it's like I just, when it comes to me, it comes to me and I'll . You know, revel in it for a short amount of time. I forgot some songs that I don't even do anymore, just 'cause they're not relevant or I'm just bored with them. Yeah. Yeah. So that makes sense. Yeah. Cool.

Like, all things and crafts and hobbies and yeah. That's, that's very cool. Yeah. And just, you deserve an award for making it through vegan mac and cheese. Yeah. . I should have won the video. I felt [01:00:00] listening to that story. Oh my god. Oh my god. I was so, I need to clear my throat just thinking about it. I was, I was smelling the weirdness though.

All like cashew powder, whatever. Yeah. I, I, brutal. Oh God. The, I love, I, I am vegetarian, so like I love the ingenuity behind. Fake cheese, but I also do eat real cheese. And I'm like this, y'all still haven't figured it out yet. Quite there you, I'm so excited for when you figure it out. But now it, it is not.

Now I, you know, we make some decisions in life that we look back on and you're like, shouldn't have done that . And one of those was, I was dating a guy who was vegan and I I'm just kidding. Yeah. I'm just kidding. And at the time, I, I love vegan. I was, and I had the internal feeling at the time. I was trying to be very like keto esque.

Right. And so vegan life and keto life do not Yeah. Go together at all. So I decided to make this vegan and carb friendly lasagna. I was hand blanching [01:01:00] almonds for like the ricotta cheese feel. Oh dude. Like, that's a lot. And me and this dude get married. Hell no. Yeah. Like, what was that? No. And I mean, the las.

In my defense, lasagna turned out pretty good. There you go. But I lost a lot of time off of my life. There's making that more damn lasagna lot. Yeah. That goes into, yeah. Yeah. Veganism is really hard and I, I actually really applaud people that mm-hmm . Decide to go full vegan. I think that there's also a lot of, like, misinformation about where food comes from.

So, there are some vegans that are, you know, possibly doing it the wrong way or they're they could be hurting themselves or they could be, you know, the cause that they're trying to fight for is not actually what they're doing when they're eating, or at least not informed of where they're getting their stuff from.

So, I, I like to think that I eat pretty ethically. I'm more of like, on the sustainability side of stuff. Mm-hmm . Not so much the animal rights side of stuff, which is, I know, kind of hard to believe, but No, no. I, I, I, no, but I'm pretty sure as a zoologist you understand things, eat things. I understand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, well, it's not that things eat things. No, [01:02:00] no. It's not just that things eat things. I think it's like. I understand so much more the ecology of things than like animal rights is a very controversial issue. And I'm actually probably more on the side of animal welfare over animal rights.

'cause animal rights will say no animals should be in a zoo ever. Right. And I have some, I. I agree that most animals, I, I agree that every animal should be in the wild where it belongs. I absolutely believe that, but I also know that there are some animals that literally can't be in the wild anymore.

Right. There are some animals that who have been born in zoos for generations and generations that wouldn't, at this point, there's no place to put them anymore. Right. Well, and so there's some animals that don't have a natural habitat to go back to. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, so the, the, like, the red wolves at, at the zoo that I work at there's literally no place for them.

They're, they're only, they really only exist in zoos. There's 12 individuals in the world that are in the wild right now. Mm-hmm . So they exist in my heart as well. Right. . But yeah, they, so like that I am much more on the side of animal welfare than animal rights. I don't think that we need to [01:03:00] go and let all of those, those red wolves go right now because.

The point is they're getting hit by cars and that's why there are none left. So they're gonna go out, they're gonna get hit by all the cars, and we're gonna literally have none left. Right. If we just let them all go right now. Right. So I feel like I'm more on that side. And then animal welfare for, for animals that are farmed, animals have a little stronger feelings about that because it's usually a really fine line that you walk there.

So I just decided to step off the line entirely. Mm-hmm. So that's why I don't eat meat. But also the ecological impacts of factory farming is so, oh yeah. It's insane. So I just am like, you know what? I, I don't have time to go to every ethical farm in the five mile radius where I live to, to source my food.

Mm-hmm . So I'm just gonna, I'm any meat, I'm just gonna not eat any meat. It's just too much work, honestly, to figure it all out. So I was like, I'm just gonna eat a meat. I, I've been doing that since I was like, pretty small. Like, I was like, I think a teenager when I started just giving up on it. So I was like, I, I don't feel any particular way Now.[01:04:00]

I did find out this hurts more than anything else, is that I found out that I've celiacs when I was 25. And I hate it. I hate it so much. It's the worst. I, I, I would want, I like, I want to eat like the foods. Yeah. and now I can't eat the foods. Yeah. It's like you could have made me allergic to meat. I already don't.

I hate that one. But no, like, if there is a God like. Dude, what the hell? Yeah. Not dare. Yeah, that's rude. I ate the vegan mac and cheese, vegan mac and cheese What morning want from me? Yeah, so , so that's, that's the worst part is the, is the celiac stuff. Yeah. That's way worse. But I actually am really, really like impressed by all of the options that Yeah.

We have now. 'cause like, a lot of the gluten-free stuff, even though it probably came out because people were like fad yeah. But because of the people being like fad and I've got like, you [01:05:00] know, a billion, billion dollars to, you know, gify my life, right. That now there's a ton of options. Forten free people, which is pretty awesome.

They're still a captive audience, so it's still like marked up, you know, $2 for everything. But at least there's options now. And then the fake meat market is actually pretty cool. There's so much like. New stuff and beyond Burgers, I will gladly be a face for Beyond Meat . Oh. Because some cheese on that action.

Love. And I'm down. It's, it's so good. It's so good. So like, I am down for like, all the fake stuff and, and like, again, with people being like, only eat whole Foods. I'm like, screw it. I can't eat anything anymore. Give me the fake plasticy stuff that tastes good. I do not care. I am starving. Yeah. Yeah. Well, speaking of fake plasticy things that tastes good.

Oh. We ask everyone this question Oh, okay. On the form. And you, I love your answer. I didn't read any of this ahead of time, so, but I love your answer to this. [01:06:00] And listen, this has still been a debate, a, a debatable topic at some point, we'll stop asking people this and stop talking about it, but today is not that day.

I, every time, so we asked, is a hot dog a sandwich? Yeah. And do you remember what your answer was? Only fit identifies as such. Love that answer. . Yeah. Yeah. Especially the best fucking answer, . I, I had, I had that answer pre, like, I, I have thought about this quite a lot, so, yeah. No, I, I think I think you could be whatever you wanna be.

That's brilliant. You shouldn't let other people define you. Yeah. I love it. . I love it. Love it. Because I'm in the camp that I'm trying to be a motivational speaker. That's actually starting with are are you a hot dog? Dog? If you believe you're a hot dog, you're a hot dog, baby. There you go. I, because we are, we're in different camps.

I, I, I feel that it can be a type of sandwich. Okay. And she does not. I'm against, I'm against it. You're okay. Most, most people really are in her camp. Really? Yeah. Mm-hmm . This this seems very important to y'all. . This is funny because we've had this conversation so many times [01:07:00] It sounds like it. We're dying on these skills.

Okay. That's what's so great about them asking other people because they legit will, like, think about it and they give their, their feedback and their thoughts on it. And so they will like, so we're tallying and I finally have somebody else in my camp, and it's Joe's wife. Okay. Yes. I mean, I guess it, I mean, again, I think if that little hot dog wants to be a sandwich, you just let him be a sandwich.

You know? I love how supportive you're, yeah. Trans rights are human rights. Yep. Yep. We talked about that in length on the previous episode here for that too. I'll buy on that hill though. Yep. Connected bun rights or connected bun rights. Connected bun rights . Wherever you put your buns, it's okay. It's top.

Whatever you put between your buns is awesome. Okay. , don't ask don't stuff

Oh, you just suck a turn. So do you, have you ever had the, like the, is a, is a hot dog a taco conversation? No. Well, yeah. Somebody's like, well, so is it hot? And we're like flour. We're like [01:08:00] getting into the, yeah. Yeah. So, so like, is a salad, like a deconstructed sandwich? If it's got crouton Sure. If it's got croutons on, it's just stale cooked bread.

Yeah. My whole body shuttered it. ? Or, or Or is a sandwich a constructed salad? Salad? Oh no. . Actually, I'm gonna say yes because at anytime I eat a sandwich I'm gonna be like, hell yeah. I mean, a constructed salad. If a constructed salad, if you, if you fold a pizza in half, does it become a sandwich? In a sandwich or a taco?

Depending on, is it lane of time? It's San Taco, yeah, yeah, yeah. San Sand. I don't know. Joe, how you feeling over there? Sand a sand. Honestly, I got hungry. I was saying I know what we, what if we combined all of them? What does that make it? We're high. So it's that taco to messing out. This is the best taco I've ever had in my life.

Girl. That's a pizza. . No, it's so good. It's so good. It's so good. . Oh, that's great. That's amazing. Okay, [01:09:00] the last, now I know that you filled this out a couple days ago, so it could've changed, but what's the last song that got stuck in your head? Oh, I think I wrote Pink Pony Club on there. Uhhuh. That is catchy.

Well, and I also play it everywhere, everywhere I go. It's true. IAB It's true. I I've heard Hot to go at least four times today too. So, yeah. I mean, I love it. I actually really like Chapel Road. It, it's funny I didn't. I didn't get it at first, but then after the 56th time I heard it, I was like, you know what?

Ingrained, you know what? I get it now. Course fed to you. I absolutely understand what's happening. I am also a pink pony girl if I'm stage in my heels. Having that, I never. Identified closer with the song than this? It might be because I've heard it five times in the past couple of minutes, but Oh, I bet I heard it twice today at least.

Oh yeah, yeah, for sure. For sure. I've had that watched, I watched TikTok, so yeah, for sure. I watched TikTok. My sister-in-law introduced me to that song with Bruno Mars, and I cannot think of her name, but the Bru, it's a PT, but it's meet me at the ah, pta pata. So it's the the Oh, [01:10:00] that song, when I hear that, like we, we want, they showed me the video this weekend and it's been on repeat in my head, really actually thought, ah, peta pata.

And I'm like saying, actually don't like that. I don't necessarily like it. Yeah. It just, when I hear it's like, whoop, and it's stuck. Yeah. Yeah. You get the brain worms. Yep. Yeah, and, and actually the funny I've been told about my songs that people will get a brain worm of my songs and Will

Unfortunately, some of them are very inappropriate , and they'll be like, I was singing at work. I was like, don't do that. not by hr. Terrible idea. So, yeah. That's funny. The last question that we ask, and this made me chuckle and I was like, well, shit, need to fix that . Oh yeah. The last question that we ask is what's the, I do remember this one.

What's the last thing that made you go, Hmm. . And you put that you require you to put your email on the form twice. Twice. And I was like, wait, what? And I scrolled up Sure. As shit, there were two fields and they're both required. And for your email. I thought that is [01:11:00] literally the last thing that made me go, huh?

I thought that I had, I thought I had made a mistake. Like I, I scrolled down and I was like, wait, didn't I already, that was in a very astute Hmm. You're not going crazy. That's our, that's our mess up. So thank you. For fixing that for future guests. I appreciate that. Yeah, you're welcome. That's awesome.

Well, gosh, deja anything else? I would, I would love for you to play a song. You wanna hear a song? Okay. I do. I do. I do. All right. Let me, I'll play. I don't how many I, the one that you didn't play, I'll play the one that I didn't play. Yeah. Do you wanna hear the first song that I wrote too? Or No, just a song.

Listen to anything you wanna play. Sure. I, I don't remember if I maybe entertain us Monkey did I, did I play the first song, the Free at the Cat song? I don't remember. I, I don't think, I don't recall the cat song. I don't remember. I was so stuck on the suicide hotline songs. I know what y'all like, I guess my face hurt.

So this song I'll just start with the first song that I ever wrote. And it's about someone very special and he knows who he is. [01:12:00] Alright. I saw you standing by the ::::pool getting real hot, but looking so cool. I'm pretty sure that you live next door 'cause I've seen you around before and seen there's been something on my mind, but I was waiting for a sign and now I think it's time I ran over your cat last week.

That's really all I can say. I ran over your cat last week and then I picked it up and threw it away in the dumpster down the street because really it was almost dead. We got a chance to meet. Yeah. Really sorry about that. Thank you. Thank you. I think I did play that. Yeah. You did. I did. Okay. Yeah. Now that, Hey, you had Joe over there cracking up?

I, yeah, I heard it. No, my favorite because it was almost dead. . . Yeah. It's so relatable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have some opinions about cats [01:13:00] too. , same. They're not very high . Yeah. That's why I got a dog. Yep. All right, so this this is the song that y'all didn't get to hear. This is probably my most famous song actually.

I actually do have a, another song that other people know me from, that I did a, like a while back. But it, anyway, I have a koala based song so to speak. A Ballad of Chla. That'll be your next one. I don't want it to be though. Actually, I'm, yeah, this is, it's about to be that. All right. And you wanna be credited as like a co-writer on that one?

No, that's fine. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You'll be, yeah, that's okay. The co-writer . Alright. So, this song is is a song called Perfect Guy. And it, it doesn't exist. . Wait, wait for it. So this song is a song called Perfect Guy, and it was inspired by a friend of mine, and this is true, who asked me what my ideal guy was.

And so I wrote this song, oh, brilliant . And this is, this is the song. Okay? [01:14:00] This is a song I wasn't allowed to sing at the Gallant Tide Show. I'm so excited. I'm so sad. I had to be clean. I know, I know why. I know, I know, I know. But yeah, this is, this is the song. All right, here we go. They say there's someone for everybody,

but I don't think there's one for me.

And I'm not all that picky. I only need one thing. I need a guy with two Dicks because I won't settle bus than a guy with two dicks. Yes, two dicks would be best. You see one and I don'ts Just Dick . I mean, I'll take three. doesn't need to be handsome or a really nice guy. [01:15:00] I'm not swiping right without Dose Peanut, so I guess I'll sleep.

Waiting for a man who's by and my mind , who's more than just a friend, just one dude with two pricks, with some picks that he can send because it's not unsolicited. As long as his twins just one bar, two rods . Double the pleasure and double the we all, no two heads.

It's not in, don't in.

A bird in the Bushes work two in the bun yeah, I got graphic with those two dicks. [01:16:00] I like my men like I like my twigs. Right on left you choose six . Gotta get my fix. Bella with two. Is that too much to ask for a medium and one long? so he can multitask. All my life I thought I knew the score and my is for, but at least a pair for sure.

The point is I need more than one. Thank you. Yay. Oh my gosh. Yay. Oh, I'm so sad. That didn't get played on Gallant Times's Day. That would've been I not because, no, I'm just kidding. That would've gone over well, Valenti, I think would've, that's maybe not for the two old ladies in the front that didn't like the suicide.

Might be, they might've liked it better than this. They probably freak. It's true. It's true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. . It's catchy. It's gonna move head for a long time. Yeah. , I had very, I had a very surreal moment over here where [01:17:00] you guys, she's singing to you two while making eye contact. It is right. Lefty over here. I mean, yeah. You know, she's the medium. I like the Twix comparison. . Well, so if people do want to hear more of you, Brett, like Yeah, I know you said you've got your, the, the show that you host in Garner. Yeah. So for those of you that aren't in North Carolina, you can easily fly into Raleigh, hop on the highway to garner

Yeah. Otherwise if you are local, second Saturday of every month. Yes. Yeah. At Garner. And then, if you follow, well, if you follow my Facebook page, I'm trying to be sort of better about posting on Facebook. I'm not the best at it. But it's Brett, B-R-E-T-T, Williams comedian, or it's B-R-E-T-T, Williams hyphen comedian, question mark Facebook page.

And I can't change it. I've tried. No, I mean, I think it's perfect. . Thank you. Yeah. And then Brett, et cetera is my [01:18:00] Instagram, but I really don't go on Instagram too, too much. I'm very bad at the socials, I'll be quite honest. Well, thank you for going on Instagram, at least for the message to get you here.

So, yeah. This has been a blast. Brett, thank you so, so much for joining us and sharing your talents with us. Thank you. And your mind. And. Go to, can you say what zoo you work at? I actually, I'm not sure, but I'm sure people can like, figure it out. The North Carolina, Google Zoo, . Yeah. Just Google Zoos in North Carolina.

Yeah. Yeah, I honestly, I'm not, I, I do try to keep my, like, comedy in my, my job separate, but honestly I don't think there's any rules about me like actually saying where I'm from. But I do have to say that I, my views do not reflect the views of the zoo that I have. Don't have to say the views, don't reflect the views of the zoo.

Yeah. So, but yeah, it's, it is a great zoo though. So Yeah, it is. It is the North Carolina Zoo, if anybody wanted to know. But yeah, it's fantastic. Awesome, awesome, awesome. Well, again, [01:19:00] thank you so much for your time, your talents, your thoughts, and thank you so much for rambling us. Thank you for making my face hurt.

Yes. And now because of your two dicks, thank you for giving me wrinkles. I appreciate it. . I just kept thinking about like, when they tell people if you, if you're nervous or you got stage fright, just picture everybody naked. , like everybody has two dicks. Yes. Like just a great strategy as I know. A motivational speaker.

That's what you should lead with. I should just picture everyone two dicks. Yeah. Okay. But I have to ask this question since I asked in the last episode. 'cause we asked if you had a pen for a day, what would you do if you had two pens for a day? Oh two, what would you do with them? Joe, what would you do with a second be?

Yeah. I don't know. I don't really know how to do anything with the first one. . Wow. We're learning so much about Joe . Oh God. I don't know. There's a lot of animals that have two penises and they make it work. Really? What's an animal that has two penises? Sharks. Joe [01:20:00] Rogan. Koalas. . Oh, not that, sorry. What?

Koalas actually do have two penises. It's, it's a hated, like, it's like one that forks out into two. Right. Like, like a, like a snake's tongue. Yeah. Kind of, yeah. Situation. Yeah. Yeah. And, and some, and some snakes have two. What would you do if there was a guy that, like he had a forked penis coming at you? A forked one would be wild.

Yeah. Well, it's like a two-headed snake. That's, yeah. Yeah. That's a conversation. I mean, it would definitely be a conversation. We'd have to, I feel like it would be like, I feel like two separate you could do something with, but I feel like a forked one would be, that'd, that'd be too much. No. Sounds like a dungeon and a dragons world, right?

It does. Actually. I have a friend who would probably have a good time with that, honestly. She is crazy. Whatever. Whatever breaks your joy. Yeah. Yes. Hey, yes. Imagination. Go wild. Yeah. Yes. Nice. There'll be the newbie shows up. Two paines. There you go. Girl. Can [01:21:00] dream. Can dream. Well, like I, I, sometimes I think about like centar, you know?

Mm-hmm . Like if they were like full man, right? Like actually the whole torso they have, would they have two? Do they have a man dick and a horse stick? But yeah, good question. That would be, yeah, that would be be too much probably. Yeah. . Although I guess easy also the spatial. . Yeah. I, how does that work? I don't know.

That's a lot to consider and figure out. Yeah, that's too much geometry and was not my jam horse girl. But not like that that I don't think that'd be an equestrian. Oh God. Equest. Oh yeah, equestrian. Equestrian. Yeah. Not Quis. That is about a guy making love horse. It, it's a theater. Ah, . Okay. Daniel Ratcliffe was in that.

Oh, Broadway. I've heard of it. Okay. Gotcha. Oh, Steve. Yep. Harry. Harry . Happy he grew up. Yeah. Anyway, all guys, thank you so much for joining us. I need to cut that right ending [01:22:00] on Naked Harry Potter. Guys, thanks for listening and rambling along with us. As always, feel free to give us a call and give us your thoughts and what you'd like to ramble about to leave us a message.

You can hear the number at the end of the, or the outro because I can't find it right now and I don't know it by heart. So, thanks again for listening. Brett, thank you so much again for joining us. Thanks for having you. And we will catch you guys next time. And if you have two penises, you're perfect just the way you are.

Aw[01:23:00]