Ramblings of a Restless Mind

28 - Ramblings of a Restless Mind
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Jen: [00:00:00] I also like if I've just kind of met someone and early on we go to a concert together, I'm always like, okay. How are you as a concert goer? Oh yeah. Like do you stand there and just like a statue look at the stage, even though internally you're like raging, vibing with the music. Or like, do you let it out?

DeJah: Right.

Jen: Because I can guarantee you're gonna have way more fun if you let it out.

DeJah: Like, like a fart

Jen: should not, should not be held in.

DeJah: Let the dance out. Yeah. Let the dance out.

Jen: Yep.

DeJah: Yes.

Jen: Um, yeah, I think music and it also has just a way of bringing people together and like speaking, there are so many, um, evergreen songs that were written.

In any time period that can still speak to problems or successes mm-hmm. Or whatever that are happening currently. And I just think that's another amazing thing.

Jen: here we are. Hi guys. Welcome. I'm sorry, deja [00:01:00] just asked Joe if that was his O face and well now we gotta know the answer. Joe, was that your O face? Do you know what your O face is like

Joe: in that context? Yes, that's what it was, was

Jen: he was over there

Joe: too. The intro to the song as Oin, and I was like, oh, oh, oh, oh.

So yeah, that was, that was my.

Jen: Oh, go ahead.

Joe: I don't think that's what you think is what?

Jen: Yeah,

Joe: I don't know. Honestly, I don't use mirrors at that point's.

Jen: Fair enough. Well, yeah, unless you're in like one of those

DeJah: Yeah.

Jen: Ceiling mirrors, mirror suites. There was. So I decided at one point when I was trying to figure out what the hell I wanted to do with my life last year, um, I decided to dabble in travel advising for a little bit, decided it was not for me.

I like to go on tropes, but I don't like to plan them for other people. And anyway, I, at one point though, I got to go to Jamaica and tour a bunch of different resorts and there was this one that hadn't opened yet and it's opened now and they had a whole section on the resort. Then it was like the Oh, suites.[00:02:00]

Oh, and we, they weren't done yet. We were there, but they took us in one that was, and it literally had mirrors on the ceiling. It was a circular bed, like this lush velvet, even like the shape of like the sides of the couches were for perching certain freak out ways. Hell yeah, freak out freak. And each room came with this little like, I don't know, love kit and it had like a little finger vibrator in there and some lube and I think a condom.

'cause hey, safe sex. That is just

DeJah: love that. Really considerate.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: That's really nice.

Jen: And they had specific on that area of the resort, um, they were growing the shrubs so that it could be like nude or topless. Yes, we're grown the shrubbery so you could show your strawberry. And they also had particular like itinerary things or like activities on just on that spot.

Like I think they had like a sexual activities or they like a pole dancing class and stuff like that. And I was like, honestly, I could see this tracking well for like a bachelorette. Party as well. So anyway, there you go.

Joe: I was on Airbnb looking for a cabin [00:03:00] and there was some naughty stuff on Airbnb. I don't know.

Jen: Oh

Joe: yeah, there's, there's spec specifically one up in like the West Jefferson area where it was like, clearly it's made for making pornography. I showed knife. I'm like, here, is this good for us and the kids? Oh my

DeJah: God.

Joe: Not a fan. Like what did it ha, like family Destin.

Jen: I'm so curious. Like what did it have?

Joe: So like, like a neon sign, like mirrors all around the bed.

Jen: I have a neon sign in in my house, and it's not

Joe: a human sized cage in a, in a bondage room.

Jen: Oh my, okay.

Joe: Yeah,

DeJah: yeah. I somehow, yeah, my, my, well, I shouldn't say somehow, I have a very highly controlled YouTube algorithm, so I know how this got to me, but, um, it was of like Airbnb pictures of weird ass shit, right?

So, yes, yes. It's a hundred percent true. That's so did you guys go. No,

Jen: come on. You guys have been married for like bajillion years. You're not doing, you done with

DeJah: the kids.

Jen: Oh, okay. Alright.

Joe: Well, I can't [00:04:00] imagine a situation where I'm like, do you want me to put you in a cage? And that ending my God, like,

DeJah: yeah.

Right,

Jen: right.

Joe: It just that that doesn't resonate with me.

Jen: Was it? That's

Joe: not my friend.

Jen: Do you remember if it was like cheaper, more expensive or like on par?

Joe: It felt like it was on par. It felt like it was regular BB pricing. So

DeJah: you didn't like get a cage discount?

Joe: No.

Jen: If you bring your own lock and key your collar like it.

No, no.

Joe: I can't imagine being that the person who cleans that place.

Jen: Oh,

DeJah: well, especially after, 'cause my first thought was, if you're gonna put me in a cage, I'm gonna throw poop at you. Like first fucking thought.

Jen: I just see you go into that with a partner and that's what you do. And they're like, oh no, this is, this has gone horribly wrong.

This is not what I was expecting.

DeJah: Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Joe: No.

Jen: Oh,

Joe: good news. That's gonna be a very high performing reel. Yes.

Jen: Yeah. Yep. Wow. That, you know what? Good for West Jefferson like, so yeah. For those that are listening that are not from North Carolina, are familiar with West Jefferson, it is in the beautiful mountains of North Carolina, the Blue Ridge mountains, and very [00:05:00] quaint, cute scenic.

Oh,

DeJah: lovely, lovely

Jen: mountain town, actually. Um, that apparently has cake to it as well.

DeJah: Equal opportunity.

Jen: Absolutely. Get your

DeJah: cake on cake everywhere. Right. No shame in the consent game. Nope. Like I don't give a shit.

Joe: It is kind of presumptuous though, like imagine planning a weekend retreat and it's a new relationship.

I feel like that's a bold,

Jen: oh,

Joe: that's a bold, absolutely. That's a bold presumption to

Jen: this. Yeah. There needs to be, I'm gonna throw it back to our sex therapist episode. If you haven't listened to that, go back. And the whole underwriting theme of that was communication. Mm-hmm. Whether it's long-term relationship, you're, you're in the throes of it for many, many years, or you got a new thing you wanna try, or you just started out dating and you're just gonna don't, don't throw that on somebody.

That's not a surprise anybody wants.

DeJah: Yeah. You wanna just see my fucking eyeballs turn into like cartoon, full fucking saucers. Ooh,

Jen: fuck it out. Did it just runs and jumps off the balcony of the mountain house.

DeJah: Perfectly shaped

Joe: deja

DeJah: hole in the shrubbery. [00:06:00] Yes. Again, the shrubb.

Jen: Oh, well that's how we try that off. Yeah. Hi guys. I'm Jen.

DeJah: Welcome to Rambling of Restless Mind, where you may find Deja Hold. Deja hold shrubbery.

Jen: You never knew you thought, you never thought you'd know about Deja shrubbery. I don't either, to be honest.

DeJah: Mm-hmm. I would be honored if anyone had,

Jen: if I knew

DeJah: about your Shrubb Dacia shaped full Shrubbery

Jen: Cartoon cartoon, the, the cartoon show that needs to be made of you.

Oh yeah. Deja on the run.

DeJah: Yeah, absolutely. I'm in. I'm in. Yep.

Jen: Wow. All right. Well that okay? That's where we're at. Yeah. Well, you know what we are. In time for the welcome

Caller: to our second episode on video, on

DeJah: camera.

Jen: Um, and we, here we are. The Month of Love.

DeJah: Ah, love. I'm a big fan

Jen: of love. I

DeJah: love, love.

Jen: I know I do too.

DeJah: Through the book.

Jen: Here we are, these [00:07:00] single af but we love it. We love that. Um, yeah, so Valentine's Day, I feel like some people have very strong feelings on either end of the spectrum for Valentine's Day. So let's take a poll. Where do we all sit

DeJah: about liking it or hating it?

Jen: Yeah, either way. Like what are your feelings on Valentine's Day?

DeJah: I'm a romantic, so I do like Valentine's Day. Like I like Valentine's Day when I'm with someone. I like Valentine's Day when I'm with myself. If I'm with myself, I'll probably get more, but, um,

Jen: guarantee a good time.

DeJah: Yes, yes. So I, yeah, I'm pro.

Jen: Yeah. Yeah. What about you, Joe?

Joe: I've always been a fan. I like it. Um, I'm, I think I'm more romantic. I feel there's an extra pressure sometimes.

DeJah: Oh

Joe: yeah. To plan something super cool, but I don't feel that my wife puts that expectation out me, so I think that's just my own thing.

Jen: Well,

DeJah: that's good. Go back to communication, [00:08:00] right? Like if you're in a relationship, and that's where a lot of people get. You know, jammed up and fights happen. Mm-hmm. Because expectations aren't set right. Like Yep. What, either, you know, what can be afforded if you're in a traditional heterosexual Right. Is he supposed to be paying for, you know, or like you understanding that this is what's happening, like mm-hmm.

Especially like, I mean, just how to be able to dress for the event, like talk about it. Yeah. It's one of those things that it's, it's an event that has to be communicated. It's a date, a holiday that has to be part of communication. Like,

Jen: yeah. And, and I will say in a heterosexual relationship, and I'm sure that there, obviously there's an element of this, 'cause if you've got two people in a relationship, like an element, no matter what version of a relationship that it is mm-hmm.

That your partner can't read your mind. Right. So if you want a very romantic, if you want to be taken out to a place that you get to dress up and wear the heels that have been collecting dust Yes. In the back of your closet. [00:09:00] Yes. Or a gentleman, the. What are gen loafers? Your loafers? Yeah. I mean, maybe you got a really

DeJah: nice watch you've been wanting,

Jen: right?

Exactly. Yeah. Or maybe you got a new blazer that actually fits, right? Mm-hmm. Like you wanna, that doesn't look like your grandfather's from, you know, 1950s or whatever. That you wanna, you wanna brush that off and you wanna take that out. You are worth tell your partner,

DeJah: you are worth a new outfit. You are worth feeling good, gentlemen.

Jen: Yes. Yes,

DeJah: yes.

Jen: Um, and I'm tell you what, this is a little sidebar, but fuck it. It's a platform. This is what we do. Well dressed like things that fit for instance, Joe. Mm-hmm. You the blaze here. I control the cuts. Yeah. The blazer that you're currently wearing actually fits you. It, it's not. Too big. Mm-hmm.

Right. Like that you're like drowning in it and or too small, like Chris Farley fatman a little coat thing. Yes, yes. And so, and that, I'm telling you, that is so important. It can one for your confidence, like when, when anyone

DeJah: Yeah.

Jen: You know, man, woman in between [00:10:00] like that, wear something that is, that fits really well.

Mm-hmm. Immediate, like the way that you perceive yourself, the way that others perceive you, it's a huge confidence booter booster.

DeJah: Absolutely.

Jen: Um, so anyway, so all that, so if you, if you do want to be taken out on a romantic dinner, you know, also define what that looks like for you. Mm-hmm. Is that dinner in a movie?

Is that dinner in a walk somewhere? Is it, what does that look like? Because expecting your, your partner, whatever, to fucking just mind meld with you and understand what that is. Especially maybe if last year you were like, eh, Valentine's Day's not that big of a deal. Let's save some money. But this year you wanna go out like

DeJah: mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Jen: Be fair. Be

DeJah: real if you don't. Yeah. If you don't set your own expectations though, never be reached. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. And I

Joe: like, I think it's a great excuse. I love when people put in effort.

DeJah: Mm-hmm.

Jen: Mm-hmm.

Joe: And this is gonna be a special night. Absolutely. And you go into with that mindset, it's probably gonna be a special night.

DeJah: Yep. Exactly.

Joe: I don't get the hate on Valentine's Day

Jen: stupid corporate holiday.

DeJah: Yeah.

Joe: I mean, it's not an evil thing.

DeJah: Well, that's, those [00:11:00] are the rantings of lonely, angry people.

Jen: Yeah. Bitter.

DeJah: Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's just pure bitterness. I'm fucking single and I ain't shitting on Valentine's Day.

Jen: Yeah. I mean, you know, being at different financial stages in my life, you know, but the appreciate is super low key, like,

DeJah: oh yeah.

Jen: It doesn't have to be, you know, something super

DeJah: lavish. I've had two fantastic Valentine's Day dates. One was super low key one was super fucking expensive. Right.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: To me, in my mind, equally. Good experiences, so yeah. But it was planning. Mm-hmm. Effort. Communication.

Jen: Yep.

DeJah: Yeah. And I was surprised, right? If you, if you say, I thought gonna say, thought you were gonna say

Joe: with the dog cage, but probably not.

Okay. Sorry

DeJah: again.

Oh, Joe. Um, yeah, I I, it just, you know, you Yeah. Throw in a little bit, little bit [00:12:00] of surprise. Mm-hmm. And there was some forethought, some effort. Like it is I, I like being refreshed by my, I make sure that my, my YouTube algorithm feeds me positive male content. That is men who are reinforcing good behavior amongst men.

And one of those is you know, the, the constant threat of weaponized incompetence and how men are like, well, I don't know. I didn't know what to give her.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: I don't know. Like I, I just, I just, it's, I like, you know, that you're not trying.

Jen: Mm-hmm.

DeJah: Right. And so for these men to go, yeah, bro, you know that you could walk into her bathroom and you could survey all of her products.

Jen: Yep.

DeJah: Right. And you could go

Joe: find the empty one.

Jen: Yep.

Joe: Oh, she needs more of

Jen: that or Yep. Absolutely.

DeJah: Google machine.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: Right. Where, where to buy. Right. I mean, this, the same one you played

Jen: fantasy football on. Right. Can deliver those results.

DeJah: Ooh, [00:13:00] listen, I, I could allow back in the day when you had to order it out of the Sears catalog.

Right. But that, that one maybe was some effort just went to the stickiness

Jen: of a wet, like JP JY penny catalog was crinkly.

DeJah: It's 2026.

Jen: It is. We're here.

DeJah: Um, here's zero excuse for saying you don't know something.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: That's a, that's a big pet peeve of mine is weaponizing confidence.

Jen: Oh. I just fucking ask, be like, Hey, what are five things that would be, that you would love to get?

And then, so just know exactly what she's getting.

DeJah: Yeah. Like, it's like even the gift card to the place where, you know, she can buy it from

Jen: mm-hmm.

DeJah: Says you actually have forethought. Yep. Right.

Jen: Like, does she get her nails done up her package that she normally gets her pedicure or whatever,

DeJah: right.

Jen: Like,

DeJah: right.

Because you ask baby, where do you get your nails done? You don't even have to, you know, like, 'cause you've driven her there.

Jen: Yep.

DeJah: Right? Like you just pay attention a little bit

Jen: or you look at the card statement if you have joint statement and be like, oh, that's where she goes. Correct. Correct. Just takes a little, [00:14:00] little bit of, little bit of effort

DeJah: there a Yep.

To investigate, to know the person that you live with.

Jen: Yep.

Joe: And, but I feel like you guys are being really good examples of gracious gift receivers and I feel like there are people out there that are like, they're put a lot of weight on. Like, you better, yeah. You better get this right.

DeJah: Oh, that's true.

Absolutely. You hundred percent correct. That and that, that is unrealistic expectations. Yep. If that is your expectation that you are supposed to receive expensive jewelry supposed to in your mind. Right. You would better tell that other person that you're supposed to get that like, right. Like, because otherwise that's on you.

Yeah. Like that's on you and I, you're absolutely right. There, there are

Jen: Yep. People that caught me lit enough for

DeJah: Oh,

Jen: well, and, and that then just kind of goes down the rabbit hole of like, if, if. You do express that you do want very lavish gifts and expensive things, and then your partner is like, Hey, that's not really in my budget though.

Mm-hmm. And you get really disappointed. And [00:15:00] so what are you in this relationship for? Like, what's important to you? Yeah. You know what I mean? Exactly, exactly. So those are uncomfortable truths to face.

DeJah: True. Absolutely. But, and also don't, don't fall prey to the the guy's girl that even though you know, you're saying, I, I, in my mind, I may want expensive jewelry, but I realize that that's just not financially available to us right now.

Um, but I am gonna say what I want because if you don't say what you want, you will get nothing. Mm-hmm. Because there are men who will give, do nothing and give less and less and condition you to want less. Less so don't, don't fall prey to that ladies. Um, make sure the, the whole ghost vein goes back to transparency.

Mm-hmm. What you want that no one can read your goddamn minds.

Jen: Exactly. Because don't say you don't want anything. And then whenever he asks you three times and you still say, no, I'm good. I don't want anything. And then you get nothing. You don't be pissed. Like,

DeJah: no. And that's why I have a limited circle of friends, because I will be that person to go, well, that's what you fucking asked for.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: Plus nothing. And you know, I can't, I'm not gonna lie to you and blow smoke up your [00:16:00] ass that like, oh, you should have read your mind.

Jen: Yeah,

DeJah: you should

Joe: have

DeJah: known, right? Like, yeah. Yeah.

Jen: I don't, yeah, I'd really, I mean, there have been times around Valentine's Day, I mean, especially like right after I separated, because I separated in November of the year, the 2017, and then that probably that first Valentine's Day, I was kind of like, this is a dumb holiday.

You know but that, that obviously came from the place that I was at in my life then and Oh,

DeJah: totally valid.

Jen: Yeah,

DeJah: totally valid.

Jen: Yeah. So it's, so Joe, as someone that's been married for how long test test?

DeJah: 52 years.

Joe: 27.

Jen: So have you guys ebbed and flowed or do you have, like, have you done like the cutesy little stuffed animals and typical chocolates that everybody really only like, like two pieces out of, or like what, how do you guys do?

Joe: Yeah, for sure. I mean, when we started dating I was two pieces 15, so that was like, that was a pretty primo gift.

Jen: Hell yeah. Was

Joe: stuffed animal back then.

Jen: Probably had like your, your

DeJah: curve cologne eyes, the tiny little box of chocolate with [00:17:00] the three chocolates in 'em that you could afford it from ARD when Eckards were still,

Jen: yeah.

Joe: Oh my God. I always, I always get the daughters like the, the little box of chocolates, the one that you always see in the store. Yeah. I love

DeJah: it. I

Joe: love it. I think there's, yeah, I think, and we definitely ebb and flow. I, I don't think either of us really. We were much better when we first started dating to always go on dates.

And now that the kids are outta the house, we have so much opportunity to go on dates. I feel like we don't have a regular one like we used to because we don't have to work that hard. 'cause it's just a lot easier to go out on a date. Um, and we find ourselves in a position right now where I think we're both just really like being home.

Yeah. So like given the opportunity to go out and spend some money, even though we're in a place where we could or just be like, let's watch Landman.

DeJah: Yeah. Right. I, yeah. No, no, I get it. I get it. Yeah. I've been definitely more inclined to not wanna go out. Yeah. I think the weather too has also been playing in with me like, but yeah.

Yeah. But the ebb flow of like your [00:18:00] Valentine's Day's.

Joe: But it's good

DeJah: to, I love your love, Joe. I just want you to know I love your, your love here. It, it brings me up and joy, we thank you.

Joe: It's good to, it's good to have some. Tent pole in the calendar to be like, oh, this is where we could do something special.

Mm. You know, where it's like, it's more than just going out to eat on Friday. Mm-hmm.

DeJah: Yeah. But no, you, you're, you guys became empty nesters and it shifted your schedule.

Joe: Yeah.

DeJah: Like I, my youngest is, um, graduating high school this year, and I realize that like, you know, some of the things of how, like he comes over after school and stuff, like that's gonna change and the, you know, so like I, if Yeah, I could see if you guys had a set date because of the kids' schedule and now all of a sudden that.

There's no kid schedule, right? Like

Joe: yeah, there's no, there's no, there's no third party anymore. Right, right.

DeJah: Yeah. It used

Joe: to be like, we'd have to plan because it was a necessity. Mm-hmm. Because there was so much going on. Right.

DeJah: Those gosh darn rules about taking care of them

Joe: now, keeping those kids alive, you gotta watch 'em.

You gotta know where they

DeJah: are. Beat 'em. Like, gee, wills

Joe: relentless. [00:19:00]

Jen: Yeah. I'm trying to think if I, 'cause you said that you've had two very good Valentine's Day dates. Yeah. That one that was more expensive and luxurious. The

DeJah: other one that was Oh, that was that rosewater.

Jen: Oh, that's a good, that's a good place.

DeJah: Oh, it was magically beautiful. It was a like. 10,000 candles. And that's no joke lit. That's, it was only illuminated by candle.

Jen: That's beautiful.

DeJah: Oh fuck. And like the, the core and like water feature, the whole thing and the menu. I mean, it was

Jen: because the place is Vary. Nine, it's beautiful. People are not in this area.

Rose Water is a, a restaurant. Um, they have delicious brunch too, and they've got this French toast that they to die for. Um, but it's very, um, it's in the middle of like a, it was North Hills, but it's a, I don't wanna say cohort 'cause that's not what it's, but like the community Well it's a

DeJah: shopping and hotel center.

Jen: Yeah. And they've got apartments and stuff like, it's actually exploding. Mm-hmm. Like it just keeps on growing. It does. But the way that, that rosewater has done this is this very like botanical themed. Yes. And so they've made it [00:20:00] very private and I'm an outdoor whore, like when it's nice outside. Mm-hmm. I love to be outside.

And so then the fact that they've kind of made this more private with like the greenery that goes around and stuff. So I can only imagine at night the way that it's

DeJah: aesthetically. Magical.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: Oh yeah. They do a great job.

Jen: Rosewater sponsor our podcast. Mm-hmm.

DeJah: Because it does, it looks like this restaurant was like dropped out of a, like fairy land, like again into a shopping mm-hmm.

Hotel apartment.

Jen: It's right across from a, from King's Bowling alley.

DeJah: Yeah. Right. Like it is all a sudden you're walking my like, oh

Jen: yeah,

DeJah: it's beautiful. It is. Yeah. So it was, that was, it was absolutely fantastic. Oh, that's

Joe: up by like a Cowfish.

DeJah: Yes. Yes. Mm-hmm. Great. That little middle section eight used to be a

Jen: bagel.

DeJah: A little middle one. Yeah. Like it just dropped in the center there.

Jen: I think it used to be at Burger's Bagels. Like the glow up is real there.

DeJah: Absolutely. Absolutely. But yeah, it was, it was perfect. It was wonderful.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: Mm-hmm.

Jen: I'm trying to, I dunno if off the top of my head, if anything there's anything like really sticks out.

I think this was around Valentine's Day. [00:21:00] This was when, this was me and my ex-husband. This was long before we got married, but we came to, we were living in Greenville. Yeah. Greenville at the time. And so I don't know where the money came from 'cause we were both baroque at this time in life, but somehow we came to town and we stayed at a, I think it's like a Hampton Inn.

Oh yeah. That's over like by the Kerry border now. Um, but he brought candles and like, we went out to a dinner that for, I like dressed up in like an actual dress and heels and stuff. Yep. And there's a bubble bath involved and like, all those kinds of stuff. And

DeJah: I, yeah, I do. I love a nice dress up.

Jen: Yep.

DeJah: Mm-hmm.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: Yep.

Jen: Romance.

DeJah: Romance of it.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: Fuck yeah.

Jen: And now, and I used to love, obviously when I was younger in like high school and stuff, like getting like the little bear, I used to collect teddy bears, so obviously I loved getting little bears and stuff. And my mom would always, somebody

DeJah: collected me.

Jen: Yes. You're my real life bear. Um, e even into college, my mom, I think my mom just made it very cute too, like into college, she would always mail me cards. My family is a very [00:22:00] big, big card giving person or family. And she's a sheep for different holiday Easter. Like all the things, even though we don't really celebrate Easter for religious reasons, but like, it

DeJah: was a reason to send a card.

Jen: Exactly. Yep. And so I go to like the mail building on campus, you know, and I open the card and fucking confetti just blows up in my face. And this is in Boone, in the mountains. And so like the wind hits and it's just, I'm like, what is happening right now?

DeJah: A confetti, nato. Yes.

Jen: But also, you know, fantastic.

Yeah. And like before then, we were younger, like my brother and I would come outside of our rooms and there would be like a little basket, you know, themed basket, like whether it was St. Patrick's Day, Valentine's Day, whatever. So I think mom has kind of instilled that in me. So shout out mom.

DeJah: Yes.

Jen: Thanks for that.

Mom. Mom. Um, but I, I think as I've gotten older, for sure, it doesn't have to be a big extravagant experience, but I'm absolutely an experiences over things person.

DeJah: Mm-hmm.

Jen: And so whether that's like staying at home, especially if it's Well,

DeJah: and that's what, that, that ex, I'm very much the same. 'cause it was that experience.

It was a magical [00:23:00] experience.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: Like in the, the home stay date, was it in its own way, right? Mm-hmm. It was the experience. It wasn't the things or the like. Yeah.

Jen: And I think it could also very well depend upon like there

DeJah: were things, but there,

Jen: yeah. I think it could also depend upon like what, what's going on in life at that time?

Time, right? Like if we've both been so busy, like running around like a night in cooking together and that like fostering that connection. Mm-hmm. Because ultimately that's what it's about, right? Mm-hmm. Like you're, you're, you are very intentionally taking time. To connect. Yep. And you should do that more than just on Valentine's Day.

But, um, if you're setting aside

DeJah: by time, well, and that's why all successful relationships of known do date nights.

Jen: Mm-hmm.

DeJah: It's not just this. One time a year we have to go out together. Like yeah,

Jen: I know of a couple who, they take turns but every Monday night and they chose Monday because they're a blended family.

And so with kids, that's the one day of the week that I think they don't have the kids at all, like her two or his two. [00:24:00] And so they do Monday night and they take turns and again, whether that's cooking at home or they've planned a game to play or going out somewhere or whatever, like, you know, somebody take, 'cause then you're sharing the responsibility, right?

Because it does take effort, you know, on top of everything else that you're doing. Um, so it's shared responsibility and and effort there, which is great. So are we becoming couples therapists? Is that what's happening there now that

DeJah: our side

Jen: hustle? Two single ladies becoming couple therapists. Listen, we're taking all of our therapy and lessons learned from relationships gone awry.

DeJah: All the money spent is going into

Jen: great

DeJah: cos

Jen: yeah.

DeJah: Yes, yes, yes.

Jen: Say as we do not say, as we. Do as we say, not as we've done.

DeJah: Not as we've done, do as I do though.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: Yeah.

Jen: Um, I, I know you got a big Rolodex here, Joe, but do you have a Valentine's Day or two that that sticks out to you?

Joe: Um, specifically Valentine's Day?

Nothing's, nothing's really sticking out. I think there's definitely been, I think most of [00:25:00] the experiences that I think have been great are result of planning. Mm-hmm. You know, so I think that's the key. And I think what I, what I like is I feel like I get a lot more out of it if it's hard for me to plan.

I think I enjoy planning it, you know, like coming up with some kind of crazy, elaborate, whatever that maybe or something that's not even, it might not even be romantic, but it takes me a long time to do. It just feels like, I don't know,

DeJah: rewarding

Joe: in the end. I like, yeah. Yeah. I like it. It's for her, but it's, it's also I like it.

DeJah: Yeah. You know, and that's called Love

Jen: the audacity to do something because it makes someone else happy. Oh my God.

DeJah: True love. Yes.

Jen: I'll say like, you know. We obviously we've talked about, and I just said a few minutes ago about like, you know, right after I separated being divorced, but like I will never obviously regret that relationship.

I learned a lot. Mm-hmm. I loved very hard, um, it didn't end obviously, the way that I originally anticipated. However, I've told [00:26:00] so many people even after this, like our engagement story because this man mm-hmm. Put so much thought into like a small, like, went above him and I had no idea that this, any of this was happening.

But like to the extent, like a brewery that's downtown, we both really, really like. Um, apparently he was practicing his proposal in the shower.

DeJah: Oh.

Jen: Earlier that day I was taking a nap. I knew we were having a date night, but like I was taking a nap and he's in the shower, like proposing to the shower head.

DeJah: Brilliant.

Jen: And, but yeah, so he did this whole thing, so. Crank arm brewery downtown Raleigh. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Um, they have like rickshaws or they, at least they used to, they still have those. I don't know. I'm too old. I don't go out downtown at night anymore. Really? But

DeJah: I'm pretty sure they still do.

Jen: Um, but he, they were having their company party that night.

'cause he proposed that I just in December. And he emailed people and was like, Hey, I'm proposing to my girlfriend really wanna take her on like a rickshaw ride, like crank arms, a special brewery, toss, like whatever. And again, I'm none the wiser. We went to [00:27:00] dinner and we, we went to dinner right by the brewery.

Walked to the brewery and he walks in and he's like, oh, they're having a. Company party, like I guess we can't go in. And then the one guy comes out and he's like, Hey man, listen, I feel really bad. You guys really had your heart set on this. Like, let me talk to my manager. I'm happy to take you guys out.

You know, I've been to dozens of these Christmas parties or whatever, whatever. And I was like, are you sure? Like, I don't wanna inconvenience you. Like it's not that big of a deal,

DeJah: right? Like, geez man, thanks.

Jen: Yeah. So then he takes us on this little rickshaw ride, like playing Taylor Swift and I'm just like living my best life.

And then he gets to boy and bridge. And as we start to go over the bridge, the guy's like, Hey, do you guys know about like the wives tale of boil and bridge and good luck for couples? My cheesy ass ate it up. I was like, no, of course not. Tell me more. Yes. He's like, yeah. So apparently if couples when, if they're walking or going over boil and bridge, if you stop and make a wish, it's supposed to be.

You know, long and prosperous relationship. Obviously that's not the the case, but so like he, my ex looks at me and he's like, well, do you [00:28:00] wanna, and I was like, of course I do. Yes, this is my fairytale happening right now.

Joe: This, this whole like, planning just fades away where you're like, nah.

Jen: Yeah, right now I'm good.

So yeah, so we hop out on the bridge and it was a beautiful, just like crisp, you know, December night you see all the stars and everything. We're just like talking and I don't remember how he asked me some question that I like fed right into his hand. And then he said something about the rest of our lives.

Next thing I knew he was on his knee and I don't remember anything that he said. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like that's such a big moment when guys propose. And I've heard so many people say like. I have no idea what he said. I just blanked. I blacked out because I saw him on a knee and realized what was happening.

Um, yeah. So then we're engaged and then he's like, well, what do you wanna do? I was like, I don't know. What do you do when you've just been engaged? Like I, so he was like, well, boil and brewery, which is now something else. Now. He was like, we could go there and like have a drink to celebrate. Like, sure. So we go walking over there and lo and behold, I'm trying to like, what drink captures this moment.

And then a whole hoard [00:29:00] of our closest family and friends just come like hooting and hollering from the back of the brewery to surprise me. And I just started crying. My grandfather was there who I thought was, I was under the impression that he was going back to Missouri. Oh. And he pops out and like, Ugh.

My gosh. It was just the so like good, like that's un, I was speechless. Like it was unbelievable. I couldn't have dreamt anything better. So,

DeJah: amazing

Jen: effort. I don't know.

DeJah: See, yeah,

Jen: that's a lot of effort. Like that's not everyday thing, but

DeJah: to me is a fairy tale.

Jen: Yeah,

DeJah: yeah,

Jen: yeah. Well then.

DeJah: I have,

Jen: he chose to stick his fairy in somebody else's tail, so Yeah,

DeJah: yeah, yeah.

Fuck that guy.

Jen: Anyway, here we're, um, that was a Valentine's Day, but it was, it was a really good day.

[00:30:00] I, yeah, I I do not have an engagement story. I've never been asked. I've been married, but not because I was

Jen: asked,

DeJah: asked,

Jen: did you do the asking?

DeJah: Fuck no.

Jen: Oh, it just ha You were just bumped into marriage, like how?

DeJah: [00:31:00] No. Prop 14 took away domestic partnership rights in the state of North Carolina. And, um, my ex and I, in trying to be foster parents, learned that by the law, we wouldn't have the equal right to be able to protect our child, let alone if we adopted a child. Um, so in order to protect our parental rights, we were forced into a contractual marriage.

Thank you. North Carolina legislator.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: Thank you. Thank you.

Jen: Is it, has it, has it changed now?

DeJah: No.

Jen: Okay. Oh, that was for domestic violence that domestic partnerships are now under, or like, you know,

DeJah: but you, yeah. The, the fact that to both be able to go in as parents. Yeah.

Jen: That's ridiculous. Because, you know, every

DeJah: couple that every, I have person that the child, I like a, a loving marriage based on like romance and stuff.

'cause my ex and I were not like, like that. I, which was not great obviously 'cause we were divorced. Not what I truly want. [00:32:00] Um, but yeah. Oh, I. I don't have a romantic

Jen: story. You know what story there? But you bought a, you bought a

DeJah: ring for yourself? 12. 1212 at the courthouse in Black Lady. You

Jen: were grieving it before

DeJah: it began.

Yes. Should have known.

Jen: What about you, Joe? How did you propose?

Joe: Um, I don't think it's a good story, but this is how it happened. We were it's the true

DeJah: one.

Joe: It's the true one. Lay it on me, man. So we, when we look back on like wedding pictures and stuff, it's like, how did people let those kids get married?

I was young. We started dating when I was 15.

DeJah: I know these guys were high school sweethearts. This fucking goddamn magical fairytale shit. I'm surrounded by, sorry, go on. It

Joe: was like, it was like three weeks into the relationship and she said she loved me and aw. In her garage and I was like. All right.

That's it. I'm good. Let's do this. And so in my mind, I was like, this, this is gonna be good. And Joe's like,

DeJah: well, just won [00:33:00] the lottery.

Joe: And yeah. I was like, I'm doing all right here. This, this isn't gonna happen again. So let's just, let's with do what we can with, keep this going. And, um, so we were still pretty young and we talked about it relatively early on and you all cutesy, like, what would you do today?

You know, that kind of stuff. Because we were tiny kids. And, um, we were on a, we were coming back from a missions trip. I had saved up a bunch of money 'cause I heard that rings in gold were cheap in Mexico.

DeJah: Oh.

Joe: And

DeJah: precious,

Joe: I think I was maybe 16, maybe 17. And, um, we were on the plane coming back and on a missions trip.

On this missions trip. Like if you were dating, you weren't supposed to, like, there's supposed to be like no PDA and you're supposed to like, not

DeJah: both hands showing

Joe: both at

DeJah: all times.

Joe: It's now where you're here, four guys

DeJah: Yep.

Joe: Kind of stuff. So it's the plane ride back and we, we followed the rules and everything.

You know, so we're cuddling and the plane, whatever, you know, was

DeJah: hands free in the name of Jesus.

Joe: Yeah. And um, I kind of mentioned something [00:34:00] about like proposing, she's like, you better not propose. And I was like, oh, that's happening there. She was like, I'll say no. He proposed outta a

Jen: threat.

Joe: And she said, she said she would say no.

And I thought to myself, no, she won't say no. So I pulled up the little ring and little ring. So funny. It's so cute. On the airplane. Couldn't kneel down 'cause we were on an airplane.

Jen: Yeah.

Joe: And she of course said yes. And I think it took us, it took us a while to tell people 'cause we were young. Mm-hmm. And we kind of knew that it was silly.

Um, like

Jen: how young? Like 16 young, or?

Joe: I was, I was 16 I think.

Jen: Really?

Joe: Yeah.

Jen: Yeah.

Joe: They were, I might have been 17.

Jen: They're babies. I mean, I know you said that you started dating whenever you were 15,

Joe: but We were, we were definitely both in high school. Um she had just, I think she might have just finished high school, so this was like the summer after high school.

This trip would've been for her, I think. But, um, yeah, and we tried to like, keep it a secret for a while. And I remember she just wore the ring. 'cause in the Christian culture we were in at the time, like a promise ring. Mm-hmm.

DeJah: Mm-hmm.

Joe: And [00:35:00] but one of her friends just saw it like at a party bonfire and she's like, oh my gosh, you're engaged.

Like she just, and then

DeJah: checks what are friends for? Absolutely drunk buddy. Cross the fire pit checks. Holy shit, girl.

Joe: So loud. Everybody can hear it. Yes. And my wife's not gonna lie. She's like, oh yeah, yeah.

DeJah: Oh,

Joe: cute, cute months ago. Um, but yeah, I think. I was definitely thinking about it for a long, I don't remember the speech.

I remember being terribly nervous, even though I knew despite her saying she would say no, that she would, she would say yes, say yes, but it just felt, it felt big. Yeah. I remember feeling it was excited. Um, and also weird that it was like, I don't know, we, we knew we were so young, but it just made so much sense, and I don't know why nobody tried to talk us out of it, but nobody did.

I don't know if it was something about us or the way that we acted around each other or something.

DeJah: Ladies and gentlemen, [00:36:00] we've had our podcast First exposure to Twin Flames. Yeah. I repeat Twin flames.

Jen: Twin

DeJah: flames,

Jen: sightings.

DeJah: Yes.

Jen: I love

DeJah: that. Well, I take, I take it back. It's second because Chairman Uni.

Jen: Oh yeah.

We had uni on here. Yeah. Yep. Sorry Joe, we're gonna take the accolade back from you. Sorry. So relegated because. If I would've been friends with either both of you at that time, I would've told you you were fucking nuts. Right. But like, I'm so happy for you guys and I love, like we've said, we love, love. And so my question is, you probably get this a lot as to divorcees sitting here, like what has been like the glue?

What do you, is it actively choosing each other like every day? Like is it that whole saying or

Joe: I think probably that's definitely part of it. Teach us the way sometimes think, I think everybody's different, right? So I think what works for me and Lori might not be the glue for other people. Yeah. Um, I knew for me, like I just understood at a young [00:37:00] age, like the idea that other people said about falling in love didn't make sense to me.

'cause it seemed like. If you could fall in it, you could fall out of it. So it felt like a choice to me.

Jen: Mm-hmm.

Joe: And so even I like that if you, if you

Jen: could fall into it, you can fall out of it. Ooh, why words?

Joe: Even after like the three weeks when she said she loved me in her garage, I remember I was stayed up virtually all night.

'cause I was like, well, I said it back. So I guess that means I'm locked in. I'm marrying this long because you loves

DeJah: someone you have to marry.

Joe: Yeah, definitely. Because that's what, in my mind, that makes a lot of sense. If, if you love somebody, then you're not going to wake up and not love them the next day.

Um,

DeJah: you would think,

Joe: but I think the choice, the choice thing is a big part of it. Yeah. And, and I don't know if there's, I don't think there's anything magical. I think our marriages work like everybody else's, but I do think, I do think there's one thing that's, that people might have pointed out before, or I think has been a big contributing part of our success is we moved far away.

DeJah: Mm.

Joe: And we kinda left friends and family.

DeJah: You

Joe: started

DeJah: your own independent lives.

Joe: Yeah. And I think [00:38:00] that that idea of it was me and her versus the world for the first four years just carried on. Mm-hmm. And so not in like, screw everybody else kind of way, but like wherever we went and we moved a lot, it was fine because we had each other and that was like the base.

Mm-hmm. And I think that was a big, big part of it. And I don't know if it would've worked the same had we stayed close to home or not moved multiple states away and been, and I don't know if I'm just reading into my circumstances 'cause I look back at some of the people I went to high school with and they're doing the same thing, dating the same group of people, um, that they were dating, you know, from ninth to 12th grade.

And, and I don't know that that is the secret to success, but I do feel it's good to move away.

Jen: Yeah. Well I, my childhood bestie. Her and her husband, um, they kind of did the same thing. Well, they didn't get married at 16 or engaged in 16. They met in college, but they, right after, like days after they got married, they moved up to Boston [00:39:00] because, for hi, because he was already up there working actually.

And she has said to me numerous times, they both have, they were like, that is the best thing we could have done for our relationship. You know, because it does, like both of their families are local-ish, you know, and so there's always that pressure then of like, even though you're your own family unit now, even if it's the two of you and no children involved or anything, like the pressure of spinning the holidays with your parents or like still being the ones to go back home and, and all that kind of stuff.

And so it is hard to develop that independent cohesion mm-hmm. As a new family unit if, if you are surrounded by those things and you don't take the time to stand up or set boundaries with, with those around you. So that, that makes sense. That's, yeah. Yeah.

DeJah: Yeah.

Jen: That's awesome. Mm-hmm. Well, when you go home today, you give Lori a hug for us.

Joe: I will. She'll probably be asleep, but

DeJah: please do not scare the shit out of your wife by trying to bear hug her for Jed while she's sleeping. I was. I had [00:40:00]

Jen: do stop.

DeJah: Well, that's

Jen: awesome. Maybe one day, buddy. Yeah, maybe. Maybe one day we'll have a Joby one Kenobi over here spitting all the facts.

DeJah: Yeah.

Jen: Showing us the way. All right. Well, suppose we have a voicemail?

DeJah: Yeah,

Joe: we do a voicemail.

DeJah: Lay it on us.

Jen: Spin that dj.

Joe: Okay.

Jen: DJ Joey. Woo. Look. A WW.

Joe: My computer went to sleep. Now I have to put in my password.

Stay tuned for riveting YouTube television.

Jen: It does not. Love. Love.

DeJah: My gosh.

Joe: Did it. Here comes. Who's the

Jen: voicemail? There we go.

Caller: Hi, Jen and Daja. My name's Joe. I'm a new listener. First time caller, big fan. Um, had a question in regards to compatibility and relationship longevity for couples who share similar music tastes.

So the couples who listen to similar genres or share, share music interests get a boost in relationship satisfaction. Um, do they stay together longer [00:41:00] than couples who don't? Um, just thought this might be a fun topic for you guys to explore and get your perspectives on. Thanks. Bye.

DeJah: First of all, you are awesome.

Yeah. Second of all, brilliant question. Third

Jen: of all,

DeJah: Joe, there's another Joe

Jen: in the world.

DeJah: How's ya? What a beautiful, deep and introspective question.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: Um, I essentially like, oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I think that that, um, adds multiple qualifying factors. Um, just, you know, on activities, right? The desire to, you know, go to concerts.

Mm-hmm. You know, I have a friend who they, oh, her and her husband, that's what Hold the gula, holds 'em together is music. They take those music cruises.

Jen: Hmm.

DeJah: Right. They like travel, you know, groupie style and stuff. Like, they, they absolutely love it. Um, and I mean, just going to concerts, like,

Jen: yeah,

DeJah: I think that's fantastic.

But then I think, you know, yeah. At a psychological and sociological perspective, [00:42:00] you know, a lot of us are into like the lyrics and meaning and you know, if someone, you know, holds the same, you know, politics and ideologies as you have aligning music.

Joe: Mm-hmm.

DeJah: Abso yeah, absolutely. You want that person to fucking.

At least I do fucking sing along while you're drinking by a campfire. Right. You know all the songs that are coming out. Right. Yeah, yeah.

Jen: Yeah. I, you know what, John, I'm gonna ask you first before I answer since do you and Lori, this is gonna be the telltale, do you and Lori share the same taste of music?

No. After we've just talked about here.

DeJah: That's hilarious. And this is why I'm single.

Jen: Yeah, no, I mean, I think it absolutely can be if music is an important thing to both people.

DeJah: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jen: Because if it's you and I adore music, like we go to how many concerts all the time and music festivals and stuff, and

DeJah: music is constantly playing

Jen: no matter

DeJah: what we're doing.

Jen: Yeah. And so. I mean, we've got a great friendship, so there's that. Yeah. You know, so, but it is something that [00:43:00] brings us together. Mm-hmm. Because when, when Deja and I first met, we were, it was through a work capacity, through networking and being both in the legal industry, but different areas of law. And then we really didn't like meet for the first time and be like, Hey, we should be besties.

Um, so, but, but the COVID kind of contributed to that. 'cause we were like, Hey, I know you. Hey, I know you too. Yep. Do you wanna be in my COVID bubble? Like talk and go grab dinner when we can go back to restaurants and stuff? Right, right. Exactly. And then we traveled to Greece together.

DeJah: Do you wanna emerge back into society

Jen: together?

Caller: Do you wanna risk our life without

Jen: masks or with and without masks? Um, you

DeJah: good? You good?

Jen: Yeah. And then we traveled to Greece together, which obviously was, that could be another love language, right? Mm-hmm. Like traveling. Yep. But I will say since then, we, we came back from Greece and that's really where our friendship flourished.

Yeah. And a big part of that sense has been music because we both. Are obsessed with and all kinds of music like Yes, yes. Run Complete Spectrum.

DeJah: Absolutely.

Jen: Um, to the, to the fact that like, there have been a couple of times, actually we've got a [00:44:00] concert coming up Yep. Next, next month that I was like, Hey, I really wanna go to this concert.

Do you wanna go? She's like, never heard of him. Sure. I'm in like, and so, and I think it's just because we both like, well, we can appreciate anything live. Um, so I, I do think that if it is something that is very important to people that they both enjoy, then absolutely. Yeah. There could be a huge

DeJah: compatibility there.

I know that my, my answer a hundred percent is driven by that because music is so important to me because my, my, I mean, my Spotify playlist is so international and so dynamic and diverse and Yeah. I mean, you know, like I, there's. There's no reason that I would say no unless like, just, just for the sake of my aging eardrums, Norwegian death metal

Jen: where you draw the line.

DeJah: Yeah. Yeah. I, I just kinda like, I'm sorry. All women over the age of 40 are developing osteoporosis. I shouldn't be anywhere near mosh pit. I'm just,

Jen: yeah. I'm just saying [00:45:00] I, yeah, I mean, and I will say, so that was kind of like my high level all inclusive answer. Yeah. For me personally, absolutely, because music is so important to me and there is nothing, there is no other experience in life.

To me, like live music.

DeJah: Oh.

Jen: And being able to, that's why I think we also love, like when we went to Austin City Limits Music Festival, there was such an array of music artists. We didn't know artists. We kind of knew

DeJah: such a good time.

Jen: Artists we loved. Right? Yes. Um, and it, it was just a phenomenal experience.

Um, and so, yeah, like I, for me, I think it could be because if I have that, if I can share that with someone, I am a big lyrics person. Mm-hmm. I love to, that's another reason why I like going to shows, especially if it's a stripped down show and the artist will explain where a song came from when they wrote it.

Love singer songwriters. Like, then I love if there's a difference in how I interpreted it and where they were at, or what they meant by what the, what they wrote it. And I think that's the beauty of music, that it can be written meaning something else, but it can translate to so many different things and different meanings for people.[00:46:00]

DeJah: Yeah.

Jen: And so for me, yes, because it would be something that's very important to me that is shared. Mm-hmm. And I think that would be a high compatibility piece.

DeJah: Oh, absolutely. But then obviously, you know. It doesn't h me, we've got our example right here.

Joe: Would I, well, I would, I would also caveat that I, I didn't use to like my wife's music and now I have a real appreciation for it.

Like, she was big into country before I ever liked country. Mm-hmm. Now I think I legitimately like country. Mm-hmm. Like it's on, I'm not like turn it off. But when I was young I definitely was in that mode. Like, what's wrong with this? But was like, um, but I think to your point Janet is 'cause it's a beautiful storytelling media.

I'm like, you can't listen to country songs. And I'd be like, oh, I get what they're saying.

Jen: They're very storytelling and country for sure. Yeah.

Joe: And I think good music is good, you know? Yeah. Like genre be damned, you know, if the music's good, the music's good. And um, but I do think. It hasn't been a problem.

Like we don't hate each other's music. Yeah. Yeah. We're, we're just two like regular old white people. We don't have a crazy taste over here.

Jen: Yeah. Music. And [00:47:00] I think to me too, why it would be such a a, an, and I've literally said before, like, okay, there's a five love languages and I'm gonna add the sixth of music because the, the ability for I

DeJah: second this motion

Jen: the addition to how another edition of the book Gottman's, if you're, no, it's not the Gottman's that do the five Love languages.

I forget who it's, anyway.

DeJah: No, I think you're right.

Jen: It is the Gottman's Chapmans Chapmans. Because the Gottman's do The Four Horsemen. That's right. The pillars of, yeah.

DeJah: I was like of the Apocalyp, the Five Love Languages of the Apocalypse.

Jen: But I love, whenever I hear a song, I literally just did this to you the other day.

There was this song that came on that was like. A bad bitch kind of vibe, like slow chill kind of vibe, but like this bad bitch vibe. And it was, it's Girl, get Up. Some of you that are listening may know it. And I sent it to Deja 'cause I was like, dude, I immediately just pictured you with your neon blunt holding sign, like listening to this with stacks of cash around you.

And so

DeJah: I love the stack of cats.

Jen: Yes.

DeJah: Stack.

Jen: I [00:48:00] dunno. Um, but

DeJah: how American of me.

Jen: So, but I love that it, it can elicit that thinking of someone or a scenario, whether it's, you know, oh hell, a love song. Yes. Or like a song like that or whatever that can elicit that feeling. It gives you words to feelings you didn't know how to express.

So

DeJah: speak well, especially a love song because a lot of traditional marriages, um, in America. People pick out a song they dance to for their first song. Mm-hmm. Which is usually their song. Mm-hmm. Which means that, you know, is very important to them. Yeah. Like, um, and I mean, where I grew up, like you, you knew it was their wedding song.

Like, 'cause if, you know, you were out at the, um, the, the town hall or the, you know,

Jen: this is Footloose

DeJah: Yes. Where I fucking grew up in the northern fucking middle of nowhere, man. Absolutely. Um, oh my goodness. I'm, I'm lost on the term for, um, where our veterans go. There's a [00:49:00] bar, there's a, a hall

Joe: VFW hall.

DeJah: Thank you so, so much. My brain was blanking on that. I was about to say like the Masonic Lodge stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And um, you know, if their song would come on. Mm-hmm. Those were the couples that got up and had their dance. Right? Yep. Like, yeah. Where is

Joe: that? Like, how come we can't. Why is there no place left to dance?

Like, I would love to take my wife dancing, but we're not club people.

DeJah: The fucking town. Goddamn foot controlling people from Footloose. Exactly. Have one in the end. Which brings us back to the Heritage Foundation, ladies and gentlemen. The Heritage Foundation was, Lord, she's back on it. Really?

Joe: But I feel like the only place you can, you can dance anymore is like a wedding.

And I feel, why can't we just make that okay at like regular restaurants? Like a song comes on and a

DeJah: very Greek view.

Joe: You just get up and I,

DeJah: yeah, no, I, my have seen that actually in Raleigh

Joe: and I was

DeJah: like, sweet, love

Joe: this. I don't, I don't got the charisma to pull it off. Like, I'd be like, baby, you wanna dance?

[00:50:00] And she'd be like, nah,

Jen: nah fam, I'm good.

Joe: Nobody else is dancing. That's we,

Jen: yeah. My immediate mind goes to the evolution of dating now. Oh yeah. Um, because you know, obviously there's the clubs, right where you're bumping and grinding. Um. But I don't think the art of dancing now as a way to connect with someone is what it used to be.

Right. As much as I love it, and listen, I got a musically inclined singing dance and family. So we get a, we have a get together karaoke starts, and then also dancing starts happening. So

DeJah: yes,

Jen: but to just go some, like, I feel like you have to go take like ballroom dancing lessons if you wanna have that experience.

I, I wish that that was still, I would love to be at a restaurant and see couples get up and start dancing. Like,

DeJah: oh yeah, I'm just, I just want you to know how hard I'm trying right now because I, my, when I think about dancing, I immediately think about my formative years in Minneapolis and going to the gay 90.

And dancing and how, again, that was just so like important to me. So I just wanna, again, give a shout out to [00:51:00] Minneapolis in Minnesota and to your loved and you are appreciated. And thank you for being who you are and allowing me to grow within your community, literally. Um yeah. I have a lot of respect for, I knew Minneapolis cops, like because I worked on the border, they come just.

Good solid people.

Jen: Yep.

DeJah: And they love their neighbor and yeah, sorry. Yeah. I just couldn't help but segue 'cause my brain was struggling not going back to Minneapolis.

Jen: Well, dejas expressed on pre previous episodes that when she was a bartender, um, and conflict would arise. Mm-hmm. She would start singing and dancing.

You had a go to song.

DeJah: Exactly. Right. Because when again, when when two large rhinos with leather vests are trying to go at each other, that the best thing in the world is human dis distraction and interpretive dance.

Jen: I just wanted to get you

DeJah: to

Jen: use our feelings [00:52:00]

DeJah: if someone is crab

Jen: Yes.

DeJah: Walking next to you when you're yelling at someone.

And a woman with crazy eyes is crab walking next to you. It's very hard. Like you're gonna start stop. It's very hard. Yeah. Not to turn and look and then go, you're making a spectacle. Yeah. Like, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Jen: I, I don't know. I mean, I, I grew up like dancing, like taking dance classes and stuff and so it's always been a part and my mom and my dad both danced and so.

I enjoy it so much. So much so that all I know. New

DeJah: York

Jen: dancing Queen, new Year's Eve This year I popped a rib dancing. Proud Mary. So girl you gave you gave it all. I did. He

DeJah: sacrificed. I proud of you. Yeah,

Jen: yeah. You know, so places they're still, 'cause we went to for, to celebrate New Year's Eve ringing in 2026.

Yep. We went to a dueling piano bar downtown. So much fun. And you know, we had been out, but it was very, it's not the same as like just going to like a club, right? Mm-hmm. Of, of dancing. And that was pure, just fun dancing.

DeJah: Limited space.

Jen: Yes.

DeJah: Limited space

Jen: on a circle [00:53:00] stage that spins slowly.

Joe: We've been there.

That's a blast.

DeJah: It's

Jen: fun. So much fun.

DeJah: Yeah.

Joe: But that's the kind of place, like why doesn't somebody just play a so song and be like, stand up and dance. 'cause everybody would do it.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: Mm-hmm.

Jen: I don't know

DeJah: would they though?

Joe: But that was the first place.

DeJah: We're also socially awkward now.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: Like, yeah,

Joe: maybe not.

DeJah: Yeah. That's the thing that I worry about. We've, we've been so conditioned.

Joe: Yeah.

DeJah: To be our in individualistic behind the screen person. Like we're not, we're not brave anymore.

Joe: But that's the place that came to mind when I was like, is there anywhere that can get away with it? It's that dueling piano book.

DeJah: Absolutely. There's also, I fully support this brazen romance that you speak of, sir Joe. I am.

Jen: I love it. I'm here for it.

DeJah: To you, sir. Yep. Yes. Yes.

Jen: My, there's a place downtown, I think it's like a more country themed music playing bar. And I've never been late night. I've never been, period, to be honest. But the social medias say that they do offer like country line dancing.

DeJah: Oh yeah, absolutely.

Jen: Um, to go and do

DeJah: that, is that over by Fenton?

Jen: No, I've heard to that PBR R is over there. PBR is over. I've been in there. IP Oh, actually that is a place you can [00:54:00] go. I went there for, my friend, had a friend celebrating a birthday and I crashed their party and we went to the dancing floor side where the mm-hmm.

Mechanical bowl is outta the bowl got thrown right off. Um, no injuries to report there, so that's good. But yeah, just put me on a stage dancing to Proud Mary and apparently I'll injure myself, but

DeJah: Yeah. But I mean, we gave it man.

Jen: We did. Woo. We did.

DeJah: Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Jen: But I, I agree, Joe. I think more places we should bring some of those things back.

DeJah: Absolutely. Community dancing

Joe: or other than weddings, I mean, what's, what's left? Where do we, yeah, where do we get to dance,

Jen: I guess like on vacation

DeJah: resorts. In the club.

Joe: Yeah. I, I feel like meanwhile if we probably have a good time, we went to a club, but I don't think we'd really like, enjoy that kind of dancing 'cause it's not our

DeJah: personality time.

I'm gonna tell you where, and ladies and gentlemen, she's coming back in February 42nd oyster bark. Oh yeah. Sha baby. The sha in his back. I am very excited for this. I'll say like, I missed that place. Thank you for coming back.

Jen: Yeah. Um, that's like a

Joe: swing [00:55:00] dance, right? Like shagging, it's

Jen: like a form of swing dance.

It's not swing dancing, it's literally just shag dancing. Um, it's very. Fluid, footwork and spinning.

DeJah: Um, so in a, I can tell you the level

Joe: anthropological is, is middle school uhhuh, like the kind where you hold and sway. Like that's my skillset. Okay.

DeJah: Well, okay. That's where the ballroom dancing comes in.

Lessons.

Joe: You know what, there is a ballroom dancing place there. Absolutely. Is there village? It's like, like a quarter mile from here.

DeJah: Mm-hmm.

Jen: Yeah.

Joe: There. I just came over the Valentine's Day here.

DeJah: Look at you.

Jen: Look at there.

DeJah: Yeah. Good.

Jen: Good job. You should probably get on that.

Joe: It doesn't have to be on Valentine's

Jen: thing.

Yeah, no, no. It could be the gift of, yeah, so Absolutely. Yeah. Well, I mean, listener, thank you for that voicemail. Um, brilliant. Yeah, absolutely brilliant. I think it absolutely can be.

DeJah: And I you still for listening now watching us.

Jen: Yeah. Yeah. If you're

DeJah: watching, we still are audio like, yeah.

Jen: Um, yes. Listen to music and, and don't anybody ya, you're yum.

DeJah: Also, I think it's highly romantic and I know you enjoy this too, and people will make you like a playlist.

Jen: Oh,

DeJah: the [00:56:00] thought and intention of putting together bring back a mix tape. Yeah, exactly. That's, I made mix tapes exactly what it resonates. They were,

Joe: they were burn CDs.

Jen: Oh yeah. Had

Joe: to get a cd rw. So you,

Jen: Napster and Lime Wire.

DeJah: Listen, I'm still waiting for some shit to download this fucking saber tooth over here. Definitely was doing the mix tapes, man. Like fucking listening to the radio record, like Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Jen: Yep. Absolutely. That is absolute, that is a great token of showing someone how, how you, how much you care to take the time.

Like these songs, whether they're lovely or just like fun, right? Like, I like the vibe of this song, like

DeJah: mm-hmm.

Jen: Yep.

DeJah: Yep. And just in dating someone who would just send me a song

Jen: mm-hmm.

DeJah: And say this, you know, thinking about you.

Jen: Yep.

DeJah: Like, I, I had no, I idea that there was a song named Deja. Until a man sent it to me.

Jen: There's a song named Daja.

DeJah: Yeah. It's about, it's yeah, about a woman named Dasia and

Jen: I have one of

Default_2026-01-22_10: my

Jen: basic white girl names and I don't think there's a song about,

DeJah: [00:57:00] oh,

Jen: the only thing I can think of is Jenny's got a Gun by Aerosmith. Like I

DeJah: don't really wanna, no really Jen Joan number

Joe: every Springfield.

Yeah. A Springfield song.

DeJah: Yeah, man.

Jen: Okay, we'll go for it. Um, man, I was gonna say something and that just threw me,

Joe: it's a little on the fact that Jesse's girl's name was Jenny.

DeJah: Oh, that's right. It's Jessie. That's

Joe: about you. Yeah.

DeJah: So, um, drinking, nowadays,

Jen: the THC has kicked in. Yeah. And you know what? Oh, I know what I was gonna say.

I also like if I've just kind of met someone and early on we go to a concert together, I'm always like, okay. How are you as a concert goer? Oh yeah. Like do you stand there and just like a statue look at the stage, even though internally you're like raging, vibing with the music. Or like, do you let it out?

DeJah: Right.

Jen: Because I can guarantee you're gonna have way more fun if you let it out.

DeJah: Like, like a fart

Jen: should not, should not be held in.

DeJah: Let the dance [00:58:00] out. Yeah. Let the dance out.

Jen: Yep.

DeJah: Yes.

Jen: Yeah. I mean mm-hmm. And Deja and I have been to country concerts. We've been to hard rock concerts together. We've been to like folky mm-hmm.

Concerts together. We, we saw Anis Morrissette. I'm pretty sure we transcended our souls at that, that

DeJah: that was the first psychedelic experience that I've ever had. And I did not take psychedelics.

Jen: Nope. Nope. Yeah. Yeah. It was

DeJah: amazing.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: Yeah.

Jen: Um, yeah, I think music and it also has just a way of bringing people together and like speaking, there are so many, um, evergreen songs that were written.

In any time period that can still speak to problems or successes mm-hmm. Or whatever that are happening currently. And I just think that's another amazing thing. Yeah. You know, about music. Um, so many things. It can also serve as a type of therapy. Mm-hmm. Um, you know, and there can be songs can be very, very nostalgic.

Very nostalgic.

DeJah: [00:59:00] Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, I personally, um, since Renee Good was shot I've only listened to killing in the name,

I don't know, 27 times. So, um,

Jen: just marking it on the wall

DeJah: mm-hmm.

Jen: For your rage.

DeJah: That's a guesstimate.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: Sometimes I black out. Yeah. Yeah. Uhhuh

Jen: or rage against the machine as the band. Like, who do you think they're raging against? Oh.

DeJah: Oh, I, I thought it was, so there was a comedian that she, she did a bit about that where some dude came up and was like, um, she was a dj and she was, she was playing that, and the guy was like, yeah, like, um, he was very, very Republican, but he was like, yeah, I just really, really like them.

I really, you know, and, and she was like, well, what do you think they're raging against? And it blew his mind. He, he had like, I found that very, very amazing.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: Yeah. The [01:00:00] machine. Is the government.

Jen: Mm-hmm. Sure is. Yeah. What also

DeJah: corporations, but yes, yes,

Jen: yes. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That was a great, great question. Um, yeah.

I Are you single?

DeJah: Oh my gosh. Like, can we be friends?

Jen: Yeah. Right. Let's,

DeJah: let's,

Jen: can we go to concerts together? Right?

DeJah: Yeah.

Jen: Yeah. Um, yeah. Music, we, we love music. We love love and we love music, and we love when you're in love listening to music. So,

DeJah: yeah. And again, very eloquent and yeah, well put together question.

Yeah. Thank you very much.

Jen: Yeah. There's also been like with a band, um, like at a particular, like, like breakup and stuff where the band, I learned about them and started loving them as the person who introduced them to me that I was dating and everything. And then after the breakup, I was, they were coming to concert and I was like, you know what?

I need to find out if I like them because I actually like the band or because it was because I was tied to this person kind of thing. And so I went like on my own with my mom and I was like, no, I [01:01:00] really like this band. Like this is not depend on. And that was very empowering. Just another way that music can, can serve another purpose.

So

DeJah: absolutely

Jen: love it all the way around. What's she, do you and your wife have a song?

Joe: Yeah, we kinda do. So what we did is on our honeymoon, so we drove from Michigan is where we got married and we got a cabin house of

Jen: pain. Jump around.

Joe: Yeah, that's the song, house of Pain. How did you know? So what we did was we got an album and we only listened to that album the whole week.

We were on the honeymoon. So now anytime any song on that album comes on, it's like transported right back to the

Jen: I love that. Mm-hmm. Do you guys ever, I'm, if you say no, I understand. 'cause I'm cheesy, like if I'm going into a particular, I don't know, a meeting or going on a date or whatever, then I'll be like, okay.

When I pull into the, I dunno parking lot or wherever I'm going, whatever song is playing is how this is situation is gonna go.

DeJah: Oh yeah. Oh my. World is completely determinant by the strain that I have [01:02:00] imbued and the song that I Yeah. My life is a playlist everywhere I go, it helps me control my, my energy.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: Right. Like I am a, I don't, I think you guys noticed my metabolism and energy level,

so it, I It absolutely does. Yeah. And that's why I am compulsively obsessed with polo and Pan.

Jen: Yep.

DeJah: It somehow just attaches to, to me, in a, just a very positive, vibey way I have and helps control my energy.

Jen: I have to say, I have witnessed Deia very high listening to Polo and Pan on the balcony of a resort room in Jamaica, and there is no other vibe like it.

I'm gonna be a hundred percent honest.

DeJah: Absolutely.

Jen: It's a vibe.

DeJah: Happiness for sure. Pure un imbued happiness.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: Yes.

Jen: Yeah. Music just has that ability to just take you like mm-hmm. To a well. A different place if you wanna go there or to, um, you know, right back to a particular place in time that you were before.

Oh. And then in movies, like, no wonder why people win [01:03:00] awards for the scores of movies too, because

DeJah: Oh, absolutely.

Jen: Ugh.

DeJah: Just start playing the soundtrack last In the weekends, I will start to cry. Just all I i six seconds of bars. Right.

Jen: And that's why I also love that they've been, or like when you think about Broadway plays, when there's a live band that's playing the music that they're singing and dancing and acting to, um, like there's a whole play called Rock of Ages.

It's all about like eighties hair, metal music, which is fantastic. Um, or they've now started doing, I'm assuming they're going, they're traveling everywhere, but like movies that will come to Theto more so, you know, and they have a band that's playing the live music of the movies. It's very, so like I have a friend that went to the Harry Potter one.

Cool. Um. I was like, that's gotta be a really cool experience too.

DeJah: Absolutely.

Jen: Haven't done it, but yeah. The

DeJah: experience is everything.

Jen: Yeah.

DeJah: Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Jen: Music is the shit.

DeJah: Absolutely.

Jen: Thank you artists. And for all your

DeJah: tip of the hat. Yes.

Jen: Yeah. Being vulnerable. Right. 'cause it's gotta be like, you start from something that's beautiful.

Start from the

DeJah: bottom. Now we're here.

Jen: Yep. Start. [01:04:00] Yep. Unless you're like in NSYNC or Backstreet Boys that were founded by that ass hat of a person that mm-hmm. I dunno. Anyway, we're not gonna go down that rabbit hole, but Great question. Happy Valentine's Day in whatever way you guys celebrate. If you love, love, if you hate love right now, that's okay too.

DeJah: Yeah. Just

Jen: love yourself.

DeJah: We, yeah. Because we love you.

Jen: Mm-hmm.

DeJah: I mean, I'm proud of you and 2026 is gonna be a difficult year and love is gonna be the most important thing. Loving our neighbor, loving ourselves. We gotta stay moisturized and I'm serious and hydrated. Okay. This is Doctrine by Joy Ann Reed, we must follow

Jen: hydrated and moisturized.

Correct? Correct.

DeJah: Yes.

Jen: Yeah. I mean, great tips.

DeJah: Mm-hmm.

Jen: Can't go wrong. Staying hydrated and moisturized. Absolutely not. Moisture is being moist is usually the goal.

DeJah: Say it all

Jen: Valentine's Day or get

DeJah: the lot listen. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Love yourself. [01:05:00]

Jen: Oh good. All right, we're done. Cut us off, Joe.

Joe: Music.

DeJah: Bye y'all.